Keeping secrets

Today's weigh-in: 206.2

I'm finding it really weird that I haven't gained any weight at all so far in this experience. I guess it worries me a little, although I know weight gain is much more significant in the later months of pregnancy. I'm afraid I'm not eating right. We've bought a couple books--What to Expect When You're Expecting and You, Having a Baby--and I know both books have chapters about eating. I will probably sit down tomorrow and do some serious reading to make sure I am eating appropriately.

I also have my very first prenatal appointment on Friday. I know I'm going to have to have a pelvic exam, which I am of course dreading (who wouldn't), but I suspect there's going to be plenty of time to ask questions, which I need to do. I may need to make a list of questions ahead of time, so I don't forget anything. My husband was talking about taking the morning off of work to go with me, but I don't know if that's going to happen.

I'm noticing some physical changes. My boobs still hurt, which is really annoying and probably the biggest pain in the butt. But my stomach does seem to be changing. The biggest thing seems to be that I can't "suck in" my tummy like I used to. Being overweight, that's always been a part of my regular daily routine. Suck the tummy in and go about my business. But I feel like I can't pull my stomach in. Instead, my upper abdomen feels, I don't know, sort of hard. I guess the best description I can give is that it feels like I've eaten a ton of food and am super full. I've noticed that a couple of my pairs of pants don't fit quite the same. So far everything I have in the closet is still wearable, but I suspect I'm going to be reaching the point, with my pants especially, where I'm going to want to wear maternity pants instead of my regular pants. I think I'll probably be going shopping in the next few days.

I have had a little morning sickness, but only once so far have I thrown up. It isn't even always nausea. Instead, it's just kind of an upset stomach, without feeling like vomiting. Kind of like a hangover, day 2. It's definitely better when I can stay in bed a little longer and get up slowly but surely. When I jump right out of bed I really feel like yakking.

Right now our main concern is when to tell our families. I have a fear of telling people too soon, and then something goes wrong and we'll have to break the bad news to people. I think that would be devastating. But the struggle also involves the fact that both my dad and brother will be out of the country until AFTER I deliver. My brother is in Afghanistan right now as a civilian contractor, and my dad is going to Djibouti in a similar capacity. I sort of feel like I should tell them, especially since something could happen at any time, especially to my brother. But it wouldn't be fair to tell my side of the family and not tell my in-laws. But I can also guarantee that as soon as my mother-in-law knows, it's all over (meaning everyone else will know too). So I'd at least like to put off telling everyone until I'm out of the first trimester. We're looking at somewhere around the end of April/beginning of May. However, my in-laws live only five hours away and we see them pretty frequently. My father-in-law actually stays with us two weeks each month because he works on the Indian reservation up here (as well as the one closer to where they live). How can I hide this from him? He's a pharmacist, so he knows medical symptoms. I'm afraid he's going to notice the morning sickness, the physical changes, stuff like that. And they're going to be here at our house this Friday when I have to go to my doctor's appointment. So our intentions of keeping this little secret to ourselves for a few more weeks may not float. We'll see.