Haven't weighed in lately, but the last weigh in, near the beginning of the week, was 230. Not good. I only have one week left to lose my two pounds for the month. Perhaps I need to stop eating. I haven't walked or biked to work, I've eaten junk food, I haven't worked out...I suck. Plain and simple.
Both boys have colds. Brendan has a runny nose and a raspy cough; Ian has nasal congestion, which isn't good with a teeny nose and no ability to breathe through his mouth yet. He'll snort, and then he gets mad. I hope they both get better soon.
It's been a weird week, with some ups and some downs. The ups have been good; the downs have been bad.
Ups--Ian just rolled over for the first time, today, twice, from tummy to back. That means he's getting bigger! Need to keep working on that and on sitting up. Brendan has a potty now, and we're starting potty training. So far all we've done is sit on the potty, read the potty book and watch the Elmo potty DVD. He does love Elmo. This is the first time he's ever watched a video or tv show for any length of time. A couple of friends just had their very first baby. Best of all this week, my brother is out of Afghanistan forever! He has gotten a job with a new company, and will be moving along with my sister-in-law and the dogs to Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada. It'll be a whole different experience, and he still won't be living close by, but at least no one will be shooting at him.
Downs--The worst thing by far is that one of my coworkers is dealing with the impending loss of her son. He is five months younger than Brendan, and was born with a genetic disorder that usually results in death by age 2. The poor little guy has contracted pneumonia, and it's unlikely that he's going to get better. She has taken a leave of absence. Just the realization that the next time I see her will probably be after her son is dead is pretty upsetting. I was her long-term sub when she had Josh, so I feel a connection to them, and of course since Brendan is close in age we've always shared stories. It is heartbreaking to think about losing a child, and every time I think about it I get really upset and want to cuddle the boys. I've also been pretty down because I'm not happy at work. I've realized that the kids in my study hall classes won't be responsible and actually do their work unless I'm a total hardass bitch and chew them out every day, and even then some of them won't do it. I've never truly understood the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" until this year. I don't understand why they won't just get their fucking homework done. Excuse the language, but I've never been as pissed off at a group of kids as I am with mine this year. I don't really enjoy my freshman English class, either. They are loud, obnoxious, and rude. By the time I get to that class, at the end of the day, I'm in a horrible mood because of the other classes, and I am not willing to put in the effort to have fun. I miss my St. Agnes girls sooooooo much. And I'm worried that the teacher who had originally planned to retire at the semester might end up hanging around until the end of the school year. In that case, I'll be stuck with Academic Success. I've seen my rosters for next semester, and while I know they are changing almost daily, I have a lot of kids I'd rather not have, and then I have one class of sophomore English. Good that I won't have annoying freshmen, but bad because I have kids that I had (and didn't necessarily like) last year. And my last down is just general depression. I'm tired, I'm fat, I don't have any fun at work, the boys frustrate and exhaust me at home, and I'm kind of lonely. I've been reminded recently that I don't really have friends here. I have a couple coworkers with whom I'm friendly, but I don't necessarily feel comfortable "hanging out" with them. Ross has gone out a few times with some of his coworkers for beer and appetizers after work--I feel like I don't have that opportunity since I'm the one who has to pick up the boys because I get off work first. I really, really miss our friends from the Memphis area, and I miss my high school friends too (since they came out to visit during the summer). I feel isolated--the fact that the house, the sitter, and the school are all up here in the Heights so close together means I don't get out to go do anything. Ever. It has just been weighing down on me, and when I combine everything, it just makes me sad.
I need for things to change. I just wish I knew how to change them, in an easy, lazy, don't-have-to-work-at-it way.
Pool Time
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Still no joy.
Today's weigh-in (clothed) 229.2
Still haven't lost weight. Still haven't eaten right. Still haven't worked out. Still have the small goal of losing 2 lbs each month, and ultimately of losing 20 lbs by the first day of summer break.
So, I'm starting small. I have three small goals for this week:
1) I will either walk or ride my bike to school three days this week. That means there are two days that I can drive--I will probably have to use one of those because I will have to get cash from an ATM to pay the sitter on Friday. Maybe I can do it on Wednesday and walk/bike the other four days. But I'm only "requiring" thee days this week.
2) No coffee runs, either to the coffee shop or to the coffee cart at school. I have a fridge at school, so I either need to keep nonfat "diet" "creamer" in the fridge and sweeten the regular teachers' workroom coffee with SweetNLow, or just not have coffee at all. I can always get Diet Coke to keep in my fridge, after all.
3) I need to do some kind of workout. I have several possibilities. I've found an online video called Tony Horton's Pay It Forward (Tony Horton does the Beach Body workouts--I own some of the videos--including Insanity, and this one is geared towards people who are seriously overweight and out of shape, to get them started working out. Guess that's me). I also found a couple of workouts thanks to Pinterest. One is called the Summer Arms Challenge, and it has exercises designed to tone the arms, plus a quick cardio workout added in. Since it's mostly arms, I could probably do it during my prep period or my lunch time at school and not end up all sweaty, or at least not TOO sweaty, afterwards. The same site, Skinny Ms, also has a Beginner's Workout. I have hand weights and a kettle bell, so I should be able to come up with something. If all else fails, I can always do one of the Leslie Sansone walking videos.
When it comes to working out, the two biggest challenges I face are energy and time. Energy is a "duh"--after all, I'm probably only getting maybe six hours of broken sleep, not restful. But I think since Ian is getting a little better at sleeping, I might be OK. Plus, if I start working out, maybe I'll sleep better when I do sleep.
As far as time goes, that's where I may or may not be making excuses for myself. I currently shower at night so I don't have to do it in the morning. I get up at 6, do my makeup and hair and get dressed, and generally give Ian a bottle. Then I pack up the boys' diaper bags, if I didn't do so the night before, and get Brendan's milk so I can wake him up. I wake Brendan at 6:40 or so, get him dressed and take the boys to the sitter's house at 7:00. Since I'm not getting a lot of sleep, I really, REALLY do not want to get up any earlier than I already do (that's why I shower at night). Ross is getting up with Brendan at night since I'm getting up with Ian; I don't want to force him to get up any earlier either, and since Ian could start stirring early, I just don't think working out in the morning is feasible.
I've already identified a possible workout time during my school day. I need to try it a few times to see if it is realistic. If I use my planning time to work out, I need to make sure I'm using other time during the work day to guarantee my planning and grading gets done.
Working out between the end of work and when I pick up the boys is not possible. I have to stay at school until 3:30, and I have to pick the boys up at 4 most days. If I walk or even ride my bike, I don't have enough time to squeeze in anything else. Tuesdays I stay until about 4 because of my club, Wednesdays perhaps I will be going to the ATM to get cash to pay the sitter on Fridays, and Thursdays I stay until almost 5 because of my club. None of those days could harbor an after-work workout.
It would be difficult to do a "real" workout in the afternoon between the time I get the boys and the time Ross gets home. I can't leave the boys unattended. Brendan wants to play or be read to, and Ian usually needs to eat and wants to be held (afternoons and evenings are often his colicky periods). Since I can't guarantee any time that I wouldn't be holding a kid, I can't say I could work out. If Ian is calm, I could probably run around and play with Brendan, but that's about it. And I really SHOULD use this time, assuming the boys let me, to start preparing dinner for when Ross gets home.
Once Ross gets home, we need to eat dinner, and then we have some family time. Again, the boys require attention. I COULD leave the boys with Ross and go downstairs to use the elliptical or do some other kind of workout, but he's tired after a long day at work, and I still have limited time with Brendan before he goes to bed. Doesn't seem fair to spend less time with him so I can work out. Besides, if I go downstairs without him, he'll get upset.
Brendan typically takes a bath around 7 and then goes to bed between 8 and 8:30. We still have Ian to deal with at this point--it's a good idea to keep him up so he'll go to sleep around the same time we do--but I could leave him with Ross and do a workout. However, this is part of what little time I have to spend with my husband before we go to bed at about 10, and I hate losing any of that. But if I'm going to work out away from my work day, that's the only chance I feel I have. The other problem with this time is that I am afraid my getting myself all adrenalized and pumped up, I will have a harder time getting to sleep at night. No way of knowing if that's the case until I try it, I guess. At least I shower at night, so I won't go to bed all sweaty.
So, that's my dilemma: when to work out. This week I'm just going to try the small, easy, beginner-type workouts, and stick to my planning period or lunchtime. And I will walk or ride my bike at least three days this week.
Cross your fingers. If I can't figure out a way to do this, I'm doomed.
Still haven't lost weight. Still haven't eaten right. Still haven't worked out. Still have the small goal of losing 2 lbs each month, and ultimately of losing 20 lbs by the first day of summer break.
So, I'm starting small. I have three small goals for this week:
1) I will either walk or ride my bike to school three days this week. That means there are two days that I can drive--I will probably have to use one of those because I will have to get cash from an ATM to pay the sitter on Friday. Maybe I can do it on Wednesday and walk/bike the other four days. But I'm only "requiring" thee days this week.
2) No coffee runs, either to the coffee shop or to the coffee cart at school. I have a fridge at school, so I either need to keep nonfat "diet" "creamer" in the fridge and sweeten the regular teachers' workroom coffee with SweetNLow, or just not have coffee at all. I can always get Diet Coke to keep in my fridge, after all.
3) I need to do some kind of workout. I have several possibilities. I've found an online video called Tony Horton's Pay It Forward (Tony Horton does the Beach Body workouts--I own some of the videos--including Insanity, and this one is geared towards people who are seriously overweight and out of shape, to get them started working out. Guess that's me). I also found a couple of workouts thanks to Pinterest. One is called the Summer Arms Challenge, and it has exercises designed to tone the arms, plus a quick cardio workout added in. Since it's mostly arms, I could probably do it during my prep period or my lunch time at school and not end up all sweaty, or at least not TOO sweaty, afterwards. The same site, Skinny Ms, also has a Beginner's Workout. I have hand weights and a kettle bell, so I should be able to come up with something. If all else fails, I can always do one of the Leslie Sansone walking videos.
When it comes to working out, the two biggest challenges I face are energy and time. Energy is a "duh"--after all, I'm probably only getting maybe six hours of broken sleep, not restful. But I think since Ian is getting a little better at sleeping, I might be OK. Plus, if I start working out, maybe I'll sleep better when I do sleep.
As far as time goes, that's where I may or may not be making excuses for myself. I currently shower at night so I don't have to do it in the morning. I get up at 6, do my makeup and hair and get dressed, and generally give Ian a bottle. Then I pack up the boys' diaper bags, if I didn't do so the night before, and get Brendan's milk so I can wake him up. I wake Brendan at 6:40 or so, get him dressed and take the boys to the sitter's house at 7:00. Since I'm not getting a lot of sleep, I really, REALLY do not want to get up any earlier than I already do (that's why I shower at night). Ross is getting up with Brendan at night since I'm getting up with Ian; I don't want to force him to get up any earlier either, and since Ian could start stirring early, I just don't think working out in the morning is feasible.
I've already identified a possible workout time during my school day. I need to try it a few times to see if it is realistic. If I use my planning time to work out, I need to make sure I'm using other time during the work day to guarantee my planning and grading gets done.
Working out between the end of work and when I pick up the boys is not possible. I have to stay at school until 3:30, and I have to pick the boys up at 4 most days. If I walk or even ride my bike, I don't have enough time to squeeze in anything else. Tuesdays I stay until about 4 because of my club, Wednesdays perhaps I will be going to the ATM to get cash to pay the sitter on Fridays, and Thursdays I stay until almost 5 because of my club. None of those days could harbor an after-work workout.
It would be difficult to do a "real" workout in the afternoon between the time I get the boys and the time Ross gets home. I can't leave the boys unattended. Brendan wants to play or be read to, and Ian usually needs to eat and wants to be held (afternoons and evenings are often his colicky periods). Since I can't guarantee any time that I wouldn't be holding a kid, I can't say I could work out. If Ian is calm, I could probably run around and play with Brendan, but that's about it. And I really SHOULD use this time, assuming the boys let me, to start preparing dinner for when Ross gets home.
Once Ross gets home, we need to eat dinner, and then we have some family time. Again, the boys require attention. I COULD leave the boys with Ross and go downstairs to use the elliptical or do some other kind of workout, but he's tired after a long day at work, and I still have limited time with Brendan before he goes to bed. Doesn't seem fair to spend less time with him so I can work out. Besides, if I go downstairs without him, he'll get upset.
Brendan typically takes a bath around 7 and then goes to bed between 8 and 8:30. We still have Ian to deal with at this point--it's a good idea to keep him up so he'll go to sleep around the same time we do--but I could leave him with Ross and do a workout. However, this is part of what little time I have to spend with my husband before we go to bed at about 10, and I hate losing any of that. But if I'm going to work out away from my work day, that's the only chance I feel I have. The other problem with this time is that I am afraid my getting myself all adrenalized and pumped up, I will have a harder time getting to sleep at night. No way of knowing if that's the case until I try it, I guess. At least I shower at night, so I won't go to bed all sweaty.
So, that's my dilemma: when to work out. This week I'm just going to try the small, easy, beginner-type workouts, and stick to my planning period or lunchtime. And I will walk or ride my bike at least three days this week.
Cross your fingers. If I can't figure out a way to do this, I'm doomed.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
September 1; August=Failure
Today's weigh-in: 230.4.
Which means the month of August was a total failure. I started at 227, and was supposed to be below 225 by the end of August for a weight loss of at least two pounds. Instead, I gained three.
I'm not entirely sure what happened, other than the fact that I failed at my very first goal of my weight loss journey. I thought it would be easy to lose weight since I started back to work. I figured with general walking around and not having time to snack much that I would be able to lose some weight pretty easily. Apparently I was wrong.
As far as eating goes, I didn't think I'd been eating that badly. Usually I have Carnation Instant Breakfast before leaving the house. Then I'd have "foo-foo" coffee (latte or cappuccino), which might be my downfall. I don't typically order them as nonfat, and I usually get a pretty big one. I can't find a calorie count for the drinks I usually get, but based on the comparable Starbucks drinks I've looked at, I'm probably consuming 500+ calories with each coffee drink. Not good. I need to stop drinking so much coffee. For starters. During the rest of the school day, I typically have a Greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom, a single serving bag of almonds, a single serving container of baby carrots, a granola bar, and maybe a piece of fruit like a plum or a cutie orange. When I get home, I have whatever it is we have for dinner. Sometimes I have ice cream for dessert. But I really wouldn't think that I was eating any more than I had before. So I'm pretty disappointed that I haven't lost weight. I guess the coffee is gonna go, ASAP.
My other goal of the month was a wash-out too. I had hoped that I would have gotten a bit of exercise by now. I had started one of those Couch-to-5K apps, but I haven't gotten more than a few of the workouts for the first week done. And I haven't actually done any since school started. I also thought I would have been walking or biking to work every day, but I haven't done it once.
Man, I suck.
As far as the kids go, they are ok. Brendan is 22 months old, and really wearing us out. He's wild and crazy for sure. I really wish he'd sleep through the night, though. Other than those two weeks or so, right around Ian's birth, he hasn't slept though the night. Usually at least twice one of us has to get up and go after him. Ian, at almost three months, seems to be getting a little better, as far as sleeping goes. He's been going to bed somewhere between 10-11, and sleeping until about 2:30. So that's about 4 hours. After that, it isn't quite as good; the past few nights he hasn't taken another bottle until I've taken him to the sitter's in the morning, but he doesn't sleep quietly--he's pretty squirmy. I don't know if it's reflux or gas or just non-restful sleep, but I tend to wake up and check on him every hour or so. I kind of want to move Ian to his own room, since he's still sleeping in ours, but I'm afraid I won't hear him until he actually starts crying, and that means he might wake Brendan up. Just not sure what to do about that yet.
It's funny to see the difference between the boys. Brendan was a very serious baby, didn't smile much, loved to look around at the scenery, didn't mind riding in the car and actually traveled pretty well, cried when he wanted something (for the most part), needed to be swaddled super tight to get him to sleep at night. Ian smiles all the time, and gurgles and coos at you (which is really darned cute, I have to admit). He could care less about the scenery, but really wants to have someone with him at all times, preferably holding him. He's still kind of colicky (although he does seem to be getting a little better), so there are plenty of times that he cries that we simply have no idea what the problem it. He despises his car seat and usually cries in the car if we're driving somewhere more than just ten or fifteen minutes away. He hates to be swaddled, so he sleeps in a pretty loose swaddle at night with a blanket tucked over him to keep his hands away from his face. They are like night and day in a lot of respects. It will be interesting to see how Ian's personality develops.
Anyway, my goal of losing 20 lbs by the end of the school year (May 31) still stands, but now to do it I'll have to lose a little more than 2 lbs per month. But I still think it's doable. Starting Tuesday, though, I'm going to start walking or riding my bike to school. No more coffee in the mornings, at least, not unless we've had a really, really bad night. I also need to start working with my kettlebell and getting on the elliptical machine downstairs.
In other news, I had an IUD put in back in the middle of August, and I'm still bleeding. My OB did say that it was possible I could bleed/spot for a whole month, but seriously? This sucks. It did seem like part of the past few weeks was my period, since that was due. I am so tired of bleeding! Argh.
Well, that's all I've got for you. I just hope September is a better month than August was...
Which means the month of August was a total failure. I started at 227, and was supposed to be below 225 by the end of August for a weight loss of at least two pounds. Instead, I gained three.
I'm not entirely sure what happened, other than the fact that I failed at my very first goal of my weight loss journey. I thought it would be easy to lose weight since I started back to work. I figured with general walking around and not having time to snack much that I would be able to lose some weight pretty easily. Apparently I was wrong.
As far as eating goes, I didn't think I'd been eating that badly. Usually I have Carnation Instant Breakfast before leaving the house. Then I'd have "foo-foo" coffee (latte or cappuccino), which might be my downfall. I don't typically order them as nonfat, and I usually get a pretty big one. I can't find a calorie count for the drinks I usually get, but based on the comparable Starbucks drinks I've looked at, I'm probably consuming 500+ calories with each coffee drink. Not good. I need to stop drinking so much coffee. For starters. During the rest of the school day, I typically have a Greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom, a single serving bag of almonds, a single serving container of baby carrots, a granola bar, and maybe a piece of fruit like a plum or a cutie orange. When I get home, I have whatever it is we have for dinner. Sometimes I have ice cream for dessert. But I really wouldn't think that I was eating any more than I had before. So I'm pretty disappointed that I haven't lost weight. I guess the coffee is gonna go, ASAP.
My other goal of the month was a wash-out too. I had hoped that I would have gotten a bit of exercise by now. I had started one of those Couch-to-5K apps, but I haven't gotten more than a few of the workouts for the first week done. And I haven't actually done any since school started. I also thought I would have been walking or biking to work every day, but I haven't done it once.
Man, I suck.
As far as the kids go, they are ok. Brendan is 22 months old, and really wearing us out. He's wild and crazy for sure. I really wish he'd sleep through the night, though. Other than those two weeks or so, right around Ian's birth, he hasn't slept though the night. Usually at least twice one of us has to get up and go after him. Ian, at almost three months, seems to be getting a little better, as far as sleeping goes. He's been going to bed somewhere between 10-11, and sleeping until about 2:30. So that's about 4 hours. After that, it isn't quite as good; the past few nights he hasn't taken another bottle until I've taken him to the sitter's in the morning, but he doesn't sleep quietly--he's pretty squirmy. I don't know if it's reflux or gas or just non-restful sleep, but I tend to wake up and check on him every hour or so. I kind of want to move Ian to his own room, since he's still sleeping in ours, but I'm afraid I won't hear him until he actually starts crying, and that means he might wake Brendan up. Just not sure what to do about that yet.
It's funny to see the difference between the boys. Brendan was a very serious baby, didn't smile much, loved to look around at the scenery, didn't mind riding in the car and actually traveled pretty well, cried when he wanted something (for the most part), needed to be swaddled super tight to get him to sleep at night. Ian smiles all the time, and gurgles and coos at you (which is really darned cute, I have to admit). He could care less about the scenery, but really wants to have someone with him at all times, preferably holding him. He's still kind of colicky (although he does seem to be getting a little better), so there are plenty of times that he cries that we simply have no idea what the problem it. He despises his car seat and usually cries in the car if we're driving somewhere more than just ten or fifteen minutes away. He hates to be swaddled, so he sleeps in a pretty loose swaddle at night with a blanket tucked over him to keep his hands away from his face. They are like night and day in a lot of respects. It will be interesting to see how Ian's personality develops.
Anyway, my goal of losing 20 lbs by the end of the school year (May 31) still stands, but now to do it I'll have to lose a little more than 2 lbs per month. But I still think it's doable. Starting Tuesday, though, I'm going to start walking or riding my bike to school. No more coffee in the mornings, at least, not unless we've had a really, really bad night. I also need to start working with my kettlebell and getting on the elliptical machine downstairs.
In other news, I had an IUD put in back in the middle of August, and I'm still bleeding. My OB did say that it was possible I could bleed/spot for a whole month, but seriously? This sucks. It did seem like part of the past few weeks was my period, since that was due. I am so tired of bleeding! Argh.
Well, that's all I've got for you. I just hope September is a better month than August was...
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