Now is the summer of my discontent...

This summer just is NOT going as planned.  I had really hoped that I would be starting the school year about fifteen pounds lighter than I ended it, but it is not to be.  I do still have four weeks from today until the first day of school, but my working out is still going to be iffy.  I had thought that this week would be "mine", that after Monday with the boys I would be on my own after my company left.  But my company hasn't left yet.  Our friend who came to visit is on no particular time frame, and after we've assured her several times that she's welcome to stay as long as she likes, she is in no hurry to leave.  It's nice to see her, especially since we haven't seen her in several years, but it's a little strange to not have any idea when she's planning on leaving.  It means I have to be sort of "on" as a hostess all the time, to to mention the fact that she has plenty of time to evaluate my questionable parenting skills.  *sigh*  She's been invited to participate in a dog show in Denver on August 15, so she's planning on being in Colorado by then, but she doesn't yet know when her friend in Denver would like her to arrive.  She is considering driving back through western Montana and also through Wyoming to do some sightseeing before going on to Colorado, but again, since she doesn't know a hard target date for Colorado yet, she hasn't really made other plans.  My husband did show her some possible routes to take, and she's realized that she might end up spending 3-5 days on this longer drive, which means she might need to leave August 10 or so, but that means I still have 11 days left to host, feed, and entertain.  Since we've been cooking dinner pretty much every night since we got back from our Yellowstone vacation, I've been eating more than I would have otherwise.  We ate a lot on our vacation as well, so since we got back, I have tipped the scales at 240 lbs.  We haven't done much physical activity either, so no exercise.  I'm not comfortable going down to the basement to use the elliptical machine in the mornings, since my guest is staying down there.  I don't want to go for an extended walk, because even in the mornings it's very warm outside and I also don't want my friend to wake up and come upstairs to find there's no one here.  We could walk her dog, but her dog isn't used to walks and pulls quite a bit, and my friend is worried that she might pull out of her grip and get loose.  Taking her to the dog park just doesn't give me the same exercise.  I need to just start doing those Leslie Sansone walking workouts in the morning, upstairs, but I do feel a little weird about the possibility that my friend might walk upstairs mid-workout, and starting today we also have roofing guys working on the house (and the siding guys should be next) so I need to draw the curtains on all the windows so they don't watch me working out.  That would be creepy.  And I've got to start eating better, too.  More veggies, less everything else. 

My new goal is simply to lose five pounds before the first day of school.  I hope I can do it.  It seems like such a simple thing, to lose just over a pound a week, but I haven't been able to do anything like it for years. 

So, Corey from Pawn Stars weighs less than me...

I just read an article that said that Corey Harrison from Pawn Stars, previously known as Big Hoss, now weighs 210 lbs after having lap band surgery a couple years ago and working out a lot more ever since.  Must be nice.

I, on the other hand, do not weigh 210 lbs.  I'm still close to 240, with my weight fluctuating a few pounds each day.  I think I weighed myself a couple of days ago at 237.8.  Sometimes I'm down to 236, sometimes up to 239.  I don't top 240 unless I'm dressed or it's the end of the day.  I usually weigh myself in the mornings so I'm as "empty" and light as I'm going to be.

Anyway, I had originally had plans to work out, either walking, swimming, or lifting, every day before my class.  That didn't happen, as I discovered I needed all my non-kid time to read and write for the class.  Even the week after the class, I still had lots of work to do on my final paper and portfolio, so I didn't do any working out.  Over the 4th of July weekend I DID my first actual piece of exercise in God-knows-how-long: I walked a 5k with my mother-in-law.  I knew she had been walking daily to get ready for it, and I was really worried about being able to keep up with her.  It actually turned out way better than I thought; while I definitely got plenty of exercise in walking the course, I pushed her to her best 5k time, 54 minutes.  I'm pretty sure I can do better than that.  I've been meaning to try again, but I need to figure out an approximate course around here to walk.  I just signed up for another one on August 24.  I really should train first. 

That 5k was it; I haven't done any exercise other than that.  The past two weeks, after the 4th of July, I've had the boys F-M, which means no working out for four days in a row.  I need to just suck it up and start getting on the elliptical or doing an in-house walking workout in the evenings after the boys go to bed.  It's just that it's the only time I have to sit and enjoy my husband's presence.  Also, working out in the evening makes it harder to go to sleep at night because my adrenaline is up.  Working out in the morning would be better, but the sooner I get up, the sooner the boys get up, it seems.  I can't count on a certain amount of time in the morning that I can work out.  And the days I didn't have the boys, I had other things to do--I had my portfolio to finish last week, and this week is all about cleaning up the house for the company I'm going to have for the next week and a half.  We're going to Yellowstone next week (with our company and the boys), so although I'll get some walking in, we'll also be snacking all day and sitting in the car a lot.  Yuck.  Not great for the weight loss plan.

By the time our company leaves, I'll have four weeks before teachers have to report for in-service and the first days of school.  And it will still be having the boys for four days in a row each week.  So much for my 15 lbs of weight loss this summer. 

I'm just so beat-down and defeated.  I hate being fat.  I hurt every morning and every night because I'm so heavy.  I have to wear shoes all the time because my plantar fasciitis is bad.  My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts.  And I just don't know what to do to fix it.  I have so many excuses, and I can't make myself stop using them.  I'm going to be 40 years old in about three months, and I really didn't want to enter my 40s almost 100 lbs overweight. 

I need help.  I keep hoping I'll wake up one morning and be skinny.  It hasn't happened yet.