We're still not sleeping. Last night was a bad one; I don't know if it was gas or constipation or teething or reflux or a nasty head cold, but I do know he wouldn't go down in his crib. He wouldn't go to bed in the first place, at that. I've been trying to start getting him to bed earlier and earlier, hoping that if he goes to bed earlier he'll sleep better. But regardless of how early I start our process, it seems like he won't go to sleep until 10. If he does happen to go to sleep before then, he wakes up within an hour. So he didn't go to sleep until 10. Then he was up from 1:15-2:15, then from 3:00-4:15, and then from 5:30-6. I just don't know what else to do. I need to read some of these sleep training books so I can find out what it is that I am doing wrong.
But we've got some milestones that we've hit or are hitting. Brendan is up to five different fruits and veggies that he eats: bananas, applesauce, peaches, sweet potatoes, and green beans. I'll just say he is not jazzed about the green beans, but he likes everything else. I ordered a set of little storage containers to keep homemade baby food in, and a couple of baby food "cookbooks", and I plan on trying to save some money by making at least some of his food myself and freezing it. We'll see how it goes; it may be more cost-efficient in the long run to just keep buying the Gerber food. Also, Brendan is now rolling with abandon both tummy-to-back and back-to-tummy. I think it's only a matter of days until he realized that rolling is a method of moving from place to place. We'll have to start baby-proofing the house. He's also able to sit up unassisted for longer periods of time (not minutes, but a minute maybe) before he tips over. He can turn himself around when he's on his stomach or his back, and he can push himself backwards with his hands when he's on his tummy and forwards with his feet when he's on his back. As soon as he puts all this together he'll be crawling. I can't believe he's going to be six months old on Saturday. I thought for sure he'd be sleeping through the night by then. *sigh*
One bummer milestone is his first cold. A couple of the other kids at the sitter have a cold, and despite trying to keep them away from Brendan, he came down with one. And since he slobbers all over me on a daily basis, I got it too. His nose has been runny and he's been hoarse, which suggests to me that he's probably got a bit of a sore throat too. And he's got a little cough, probably from the throat as much as anything. I'm the same way--headache, stuffy and runny nose, sore throat, general run-down feeling. I've been giving him a little baby Tylenol here and there, but I'm afraid to give him much because I don't want it to affect his liver. He goes in for his 6-month checkup in a couple weeks, and if he's still suffering from the cold I'll ask about remedies. For now, just keeping him hydrated.
I've lost a little weight since I've been working; I was 227 when I started and I was 223 on Monday. I also started working out this week, just fifteen minutes a day on the elliptical machine, but hopefully it'll start to show and I'll be able to go longer and longer at a time. Anyway, I'm trying, and that's gotta count for something, right?
Missing my mom today. It's the fourth anniversary of her passing. I wish like anything that I'd been able to see her hold her grandson...
Pool Time
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The first (tooth) cut is the deepest
Well, teething has hit our household hard and fast. The boy has been drooling for some time now, but within the past couple of weeks, he's started gnawing on everything he can fit into his mouth (including me), rubbing at his face and ear, rubbing his face all over my shoulder when I burp him, and crying a lot more. He's also waking more in the night (great, just what I needed, less sleep) and waking a lot more angry than he had previously. He's also harder to put down, literally and figuratively. At night it's hard to get him to lay in his crib; he'll doze off while nursing, and he'll remain asleep in my arms, but as soon as I try to put him in his crib, he is wide awake and fussing again. I'm not sure if that is related to the teething, or if it's gas, or reflux, or what, but it's frustrating. I have to try two, three, four times to get him asleep enough to put him down without him stirring. And then, during the day, he doesn't want to be left alone. He's still not good at entertaining himself (although he's getting a little better), but it used to be that we could lay him down on his activity mat or put him in his exersaucer or swing and he'd be fine for five or ten minutes while we changed out the laundry or did the dishes. But now, as soon as I set him down and turn away, he starts to cry. Again, I don't know if this is due to the various discomforts he may be suffering, or if he's starting to have separation anxiety. But it's annoying as heck. I hate it when he cries; his hungry cry is tolerable, and his pained teething/gas/reflux cry is heartbreaking, but his whining "pay attention to me" cry is just irritating. I don't know what I can do. I just hope we get through this quickly. People keep giving me suggestions to help with the teething pain during the day, but I just don't know what to do for him at night. I can give him Tylenol, but I don't want to keep doing that over and over, since it can cause liver damage. People have suggested rubbing whiskey on his gums, but I can't imagine that's really good for him either (I'd rather drink it myself, anyway). Every time I've felt his gums for teeth, I haven't noticed anything, but I don't really know what I'm feeling for either. I just really hope the tooth or teeth show up quickly so we can get this over with, at least until the next teeth come through.
Things have changed a bit since my last post. I got hired for a long-term substitute teaching position with the high school nearby (less than a mile away). I did one day before we went on our vacation (which had already been planned) and then I started in earnest this past week. It's been pretty hard to get the hang of things. It's hard enough to pick up someone else's students and classroom and assignments and all that. But it's been even harder figuring out the necessary morning routine to get myself and the boy together and out the door. Our neighbor does daycare in her home, and she has started watching Brendan. She's loving it, and he's seeming to enjoy it as well, and it's nice that she's only three houses away. When the weather's been cold this week, I've put him in the truck and driven him over there on my way to school, but when the weather warms up I'll just put him in his stroller and walk him over, and then ride my bike to work (I will not ride my nice new mountain bike, but my old one instead, in case someone steals it or strips it). I need to try to get to the gym (I haven't been in several weeks), and that's going to complicate things as well, because I'll have even more stuff to take with me when I leave the house in the morning. And I've had to pump while at school, and that's taking some effort. There really isn't anywhere good I can go to pump, so I'm locking myself in my classroom. Makes me nervous, because I think other teachers can unlock my door. It's taking half of my 30 minute lunch period to set up, pump, and clean up. And then only and hour or so later is my planning period, when I have to pump again. Brendan's taking 2 or 3 bottles at the sitter's, which means I need 12 oz pumped. So far, I haven't gotten more than 8, and usually more like 5-6. I'm taking fenugreek again, but it doesn't seem to be working as well as it did the first time I took it. I guess I need to start pumping in the evenings as well, just to get as much as I can. But it's such a pain. And pumping during my planning period is taking up valuable time for grading and organizing. It will be interesting to see if I can keep this up. I'm just afraid my supply is going to suffer. I guess if it does there just isn't anything I can do. I'll breastfeed for as long as I can, and if I can't keep it up, I'll just have to switch to formula. We're almost to six months (two weeks from yesterday), and that's kind of the "minimum" length recommended to breastfeed (they really recommend going a whole year, but I just don't know if that will work out--if I can just get through until the beginning of June, then maybe we can at least keep breastfeeding through the summer). We'll just have to see. I do have to admit, it is nice to get out of the house and back into the classroom, but I miss the boy during the day, for sure. And no news about a job for the fall yet. The school district rolled the contracts over for another year, so the four English teachers at the nearby high school who were supposed to retire at the end of this school year will not be retiring until the end of the next school year instead. When I got hired, they did mention that there would be another teacher going on maternity leave for the first six weeks of the fall semester. Also, the department head told me the other day that one of the English teachers would be going on some kind of year-long sabbatical to China, which means if I don't find a position of my own I might be able to take his class. I'd rather have a position of my own, because then I could have a job to come back to if we decide to have another baby. [We have talked about this before--if we are going to have a second child, we figured having them about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart would be ideal. The best timeline for me would be to have a baby at the very end of the school year next year then, in June. June 1 is the last day of school next year. I would then have the whole summer to be with the kids, and possibly take a maternity leave at the beginning of the next year to give me a little longer to be at home with the baby. But if I don't have a full-time position for next year, I won't have a job to come back to, and I'll have the same problem getting hired that I did this last year--who wants to fire a teacher who is going to be gone for part of the year?] Anyway, there's no point in getting ahead of ourselves. Right now this kid is more than what I can handle.
I have to admit, I'm getting a little resentful of my husband, and it really isn't fair of me. I find myself trapped in an inequality of my own making. Brendan really won't settle down for anyone but me. It makes sense; since only a month or so into this little adventure, I've been the only one waking up with Brendan in the middle of the night, and pretty much been the only one involved in his feeding. My husband does give him a bottle occasionally, and he has fed him solid food a few times, but it's really been on my shoulders to do the feedings. Makes sense, since I'm the one with the boobies. When Brendan was first born, we both had to be involved, because I didn't have enough supply. I would breastfeed, then hand the boy off to my husband while I pumped. He would give the baby whatever I had pumped from the previous feeding, and then top him off with formula. But he didn't always wake up when the baby did, and I started just letting my husband sleep and handling the feedings myself, figuring my husband needed the sleep as he was the one who had to get up and go to work. Thankfully, I stopped having to pump and give formula, so at least I wasn't up as long for each feeding. But now that I'm working too, and the boy is sleeping so poorly, I'm resentful of my sleeping husband. He still doesn't usually wake up when the baby does, and he still can't be involved in the feedings unless I pump, but some of Brendan's wakings are not food related, and he doesn't really need to eat. So my husband conceivably get up and try to get the baby back to sleep. But that's where we get to the heart of the inequality: he really won't be soothed by anyone but me. I usually nurse him anyway, since the boob seems to calm him best (my husband calls it the "breast of rest"). He'll doze off while eating, and then I'll rock him a bit and (try to) put him back down. He doesn't fall asleep nearly as well for my husband, who can only rock him and hope for the best. But this is probably because I've been the one who HAS soothed him. It's a vicious circle: he'll only be soothed by me because I've been the one who has soothed him, and because I continue to be the one soothing him he will only be soothed by me. He's gonna have to get used to calming down by himself at some point. But when we finally get around to sleep training, and we have to let him cry, I'm going to be the one who goes freakin' nuts, because his crying already drives me to distraction, and it's going to be for me that he's crying. I'll have to send my husband in to try and comfort him, and that's just going to be stressful for all of us. I keep hoping that he'll just one day sleep through the night, but apparently that isn't in the cards, at least not yet. I really hope it'll happen, and sooner rather than later. Because I'm pretty dang tired in the mornings.
We did have a good vacation the week before last. We went to Paducah to introduce the boy to his great grandparents and some great aunts and a great uncle, and then to Memphis to show him off to all our friends, and then to St. Louis to spend a little time with my sister-in-law and her family. Brendan got some milestones in: he had his first airplane rides (and was great on the plane all four times); he visited seven new states, bringing his lifetime total to nine (Montana, Wyoming, Minnesota, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, and Arkansas); he rolled over from his back to his front (and hasn't done it since); he moved up to the next size of diapers; and he started eating fruits and veggies (banana that week, and then applesauce this past week and sweet potatoes starting yesterday). The boy sure is getting big. He doesn't have his 6-month checkup until the first week in May, so I won't know his vital statistics until then, but he's at least 18 lbs for sure. It will be interesting to see how long he is.
And, as a last note to a very long post, I'm still fat. I weighed in on Monday morning at 227.6, my heaviest non-pregnancy weight. Not good. Now, I was retaining some fluid, because my period started later that day, but still. Inexcusable. I'm hoping that not being able to snack all day long (since I'm at work) and moving around a bit more instead of sitting on the couch all day has helped (we'll see when I weigh myself tomorrow morning). Also, this week I'm going to try to make it to the gym in the afternoons (at least a few times), and then the next week I want to start riding my bike to work and back. I would like to lose some weight by the time we go on vacation in the middle of June, about 10 weeks from now. If it's only a pound each week, so be it. But I'd like 2 lbs a week, for a 20 lb loss, or even better a 30 lb loss (although I'm sure that's pretty much out of the question). But I have to do something. I have fat cow disease (of course they'd be mad, if they're fat).
Sorry for the exceptionally long post. Hopefully the next one will be sooner and shorter.
Things have changed a bit since my last post. I got hired for a long-term substitute teaching position with the high school nearby (less than a mile away). I did one day before we went on our vacation (which had already been planned) and then I started in earnest this past week. It's been pretty hard to get the hang of things. It's hard enough to pick up someone else's students and classroom and assignments and all that. But it's been even harder figuring out the necessary morning routine to get myself and the boy together and out the door. Our neighbor does daycare in her home, and she has started watching Brendan. She's loving it, and he's seeming to enjoy it as well, and it's nice that she's only three houses away. When the weather's been cold this week, I've put him in the truck and driven him over there on my way to school, but when the weather warms up I'll just put him in his stroller and walk him over, and then ride my bike to work (I will not ride my nice new mountain bike, but my old one instead, in case someone steals it or strips it). I need to try to get to the gym (I haven't been in several weeks), and that's going to complicate things as well, because I'll have even more stuff to take with me when I leave the house in the morning. And I've had to pump while at school, and that's taking some effort. There really isn't anywhere good I can go to pump, so I'm locking myself in my classroom. Makes me nervous, because I think other teachers can unlock my door. It's taking half of my 30 minute lunch period to set up, pump, and clean up. And then only and hour or so later is my planning period, when I have to pump again. Brendan's taking 2 or 3 bottles at the sitter's, which means I need 12 oz pumped. So far, I haven't gotten more than 8, and usually more like 5-6. I'm taking fenugreek again, but it doesn't seem to be working as well as it did the first time I took it. I guess I need to start pumping in the evenings as well, just to get as much as I can. But it's such a pain. And pumping during my planning period is taking up valuable time for grading and organizing. It will be interesting to see if I can keep this up. I'm just afraid my supply is going to suffer. I guess if it does there just isn't anything I can do. I'll breastfeed for as long as I can, and if I can't keep it up, I'll just have to switch to formula. We're almost to six months (two weeks from yesterday), and that's kind of the "minimum" length recommended to breastfeed (they really recommend going a whole year, but I just don't know if that will work out--if I can just get through until the beginning of June, then maybe we can at least keep breastfeeding through the summer). We'll just have to see. I do have to admit, it is nice to get out of the house and back into the classroom, but I miss the boy during the day, for sure. And no news about a job for the fall yet. The school district rolled the contracts over for another year, so the four English teachers at the nearby high school who were supposed to retire at the end of this school year will not be retiring until the end of the next school year instead. When I got hired, they did mention that there would be another teacher going on maternity leave for the first six weeks of the fall semester. Also, the department head told me the other day that one of the English teachers would be going on some kind of year-long sabbatical to China, which means if I don't find a position of my own I might be able to take his class. I'd rather have a position of my own, because then I could have a job to come back to if we decide to have another baby. [We have talked about this before--if we are going to have a second child, we figured having them about 1 1/2 to 2 years apart would be ideal. The best timeline for me would be to have a baby at the very end of the school year next year then, in June. June 1 is the last day of school next year. I would then have the whole summer to be with the kids, and possibly take a maternity leave at the beginning of the next year to give me a little longer to be at home with the baby. But if I don't have a full-time position for next year, I won't have a job to come back to, and I'll have the same problem getting hired that I did this last year--who wants to fire a teacher who is going to be gone for part of the year?] Anyway, there's no point in getting ahead of ourselves. Right now this kid is more than what I can handle.
I have to admit, I'm getting a little resentful of my husband, and it really isn't fair of me. I find myself trapped in an inequality of my own making. Brendan really won't settle down for anyone but me. It makes sense; since only a month or so into this little adventure, I've been the only one waking up with Brendan in the middle of the night, and pretty much been the only one involved in his feeding. My husband does give him a bottle occasionally, and he has fed him solid food a few times, but it's really been on my shoulders to do the feedings. Makes sense, since I'm the one with the boobies. When Brendan was first born, we both had to be involved, because I didn't have enough supply. I would breastfeed, then hand the boy off to my husband while I pumped. He would give the baby whatever I had pumped from the previous feeding, and then top him off with formula. But he didn't always wake up when the baby did, and I started just letting my husband sleep and handling the feedings myself, figuring my husband needed the sleep as he was the one who had to get up and go to work. Thankfully, I stopped having to pump and give formula, so at least I wasn't up as long for each feeding. But now that I'm working too, and the boy is sleeping so poorly, I'm resentful of my sleeping husband. He still doesn't usually wake up when the baby does, and he still can't be involved in the feedings unless I pump, but some of Brendan's wakings are not food related, and he doesn't really need to eat. So my husband conceivably get up and try to get the baby back to sleep. But that's where we get to the heart of the inequality: he really won't be soothed by anyone but me. I usually nurse him anyway, since the boob seems to calm him best (my husband calls it the "breast of rest"). He'll doze off while eating, and then I'll rock him a bit and (try to) put him back down. He doesn't fall asleep nearly as well for my husband, who can only rock him and hope for the best. But this is probably because I've been the one who HAS soothed him. It's a vicious circle: he'll only be soothed by me because I've been the one who has soothed him, and because I continue to be the one soothing him he will only be soothed by me. He's gonna have to get used to calming down by himself at some point. But when we finally get around to sleep training, and we have to let him cry, I'm going to be the one who goes freakin' nuts, because his crying already drives me to distraction, and it's going to be for me that he's crying. I'll have to send my husband in to try and comfort him, and that's just going to be stressful for all of us. I keep hoping that he'll just one day sleep through the night, but apparently that isn't in the cards, at least not yet. I really hope it'll happen, and sooner rather than later. Because I'm pretty dang tired in the mornings.
We did have a good vacation the week before last. We went to Paducah to introduce the boy to his great grandparents and some great aunts and a great uncle, and then to Memphis to show him off to all our friends, and then to St. Louis to spend a little time with my sister-in-law and her family. Brendan got some milestones in: he had his first airplane rides (and was great on the plane all four times); he visited seven new states, bringing his lifetime total to nine (Montana, Wyoming, Minnesota, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, and Arkansas); he rolled over from his back to his front (and hasn't done it since); he moved up to the next size of diapers; and he started eating fruits and veggies (banana that week, and then applesauce this past week and sweet potatoes starting yesterday). The boy sure is getting big. He doesn't have his 6-month checkup until the first week in May, so I won't know his vital statistics until then, but he's at least 18 lbs for sure. It will be interesting to see how long he is.
And, as a last note to a very long post, I'm still fat. I weighed in on Monday morning at 227.6, my heaviest non-pregnancy weight. Not good. Now, I was retaining some fluid, because my period started later that day, but still. Inexcusable. I'm hoping that not being able to snack all day long (since I'm at work) and moving around a bit more instead of sitting on the couch all day has helped (we'll see when I weigh myself tomorrow morning). Also, this week I'm going to try to make it to the gym in the afternoons (at least a few times), and then the next week I want to start riding my bike to work and back. I would like to lose some weight by the time we go on vacation in the middle of June, about 10 weeks from now. If it's only a pound each week, so be it. But I'd like 2 lbs a week, for a 20 lb loss, or even better a 30 lb loss (although I'm sure that's pretty much out of the question). But I have to do something. I have fat cow disease (of course they'd be mad, if they're fat).
Sorry for the exceptionally long post. Hopefully the next one will be sooner and shorter.
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