The price of gas is apparently my sleep. And my sanity.
If Brendan were waking up at night because he was hungry, I wouldn't be nearly as upset and stressed as I am. But he's gone from waking every four-five hours at night to waking every one-two hours, and it's not hunger, it's definitely pain. He jolts awake and cries very angrily. If I try to "pump" his legs to get him to toot, he shrieks. I rub his tummy, pump his legs, and sometimes he'll toot, sometimes he won't. This all started between three and four months of age, and I thought it started around the same time as I started taking More Milk Plus capsules to boost my production (I've always struggled to keep up with him). So I stopped taking them, but it didn't stop the gas. I tried giving him gripe water, but that didn't help (actually it seemed to make it worse, but I can't say for sure). I've tried giving him Mylicon drops after each feeding, but it doesn't help either. Brendan's been getting some cereal since he turned four months, but we've varied the type of cereal (rice and oatmeal), the amount, what it's mixed with, and when he gets it during the day (and even if he gets it at all--there've been a couple days this past week when he hasn't had any cereal at all), and that hasn't affected the gas either. Yesterday he had formula during the day (we were traveling), and before I breastfed him in the evening I pumped some and dumped off the thinner foremilk, and he was just as bad last night as any other night. I tried laying off dairy products all weekend, thinking maybe something was passing through my milk to him, but it didn't seem to matter either. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't show any other symptoms to milk allergy, lactose intolerance, or an foremilk imbalance--no diarrhea, no green frothy poo, no vomiting, no eczema, not spitting up any more than usual...I just don't understand what has changed. He's sleeping worse now than he did when we came home from the hospital (and that's when he was practically starving to death because I wasn't producing any milk at all).
As terrible as it is for me to hear his crying, I'm incredibly selfish, because I'd do just about anything to get some $%#&@$& sleep. I've never been able to nap during the day, not even when I was little. If I do manage to sleep during the day, I wake up disoriented, achy, and basically feeling worse than I did before I took the nap. I'm not expecting a full night's sleep (although I wouldn't turn it down), but I'd love to get back to when Brendan when sleeping from 10-3, nursing for an hour, and then sleeping until 10 am. I'm also concerned because I am hoping to get a long-term sub job that starts mid-April, and if I get it I'm really going to need more sleep than I'm getting...
I just have this overwhelming feeling that I'm not doing it right. Between friends, former coworkers, and former students, I know about 15 people who had babies right around the same time I did, and it seems like everyone else "gets it" but me. When people tell me that their babies slept through the night at 3 weeks old (formula or breast), it just seems like proof that I'm doing something wrong. Everyone keeps saying "all babies are different", but it sure feels like we're the odd ones out. I mean, all babies may be different, but there has to be some reason some babies sleep through the night early and some don't. People have been having babies for thousands and thousands of years without drama, so why are we at five months with no schedule yet? Some days he naps for three hours at a time, some days I'm lucky to get him to nap for fifteen minutes. Some nights he'll drop off to sleep between 9-10, as soon as I nurse him, other nights he's still wide awake and full of it at 11. And regardless of when he goes down, some nights he's awake again in 45 minutes, and some nights he stays asleep for a couple hours. Some mornings he'll go back to sleep until 9 or 10, and some mornings he's up at 6:45 with no nap in sight. It sure makes me feel like there's some trick everyone else knows but me.
With the breast feeding vs. formula, I've started to feel like there's a mom on each shoulder, instead of an angel and a devil, whispering in my ears. On the breast feeding side, I know it's the natural option--"breast is best" and all that--and the least expensive, should boost his immune system, prevent some allergies, strengthen the bond between the two of us, help me lose weight (which totally ISN'T happening), etc., etc. Plus, I fought so hard to breast feed in the first place (since my milk came in so late, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to breast feed at all). But the formula side is accumulating some heavy artillery. It's more convenient--I wouldn't have to worry about pumping and storage (if I get this sub job, I'll only have two times during the day that I can pump--I can't guarantee they won't be back-to-back because I don't know what the schedule of the classes is--I've got to figure out where I can store the milk until the end of the day, and i don't know if I'll be able to pump the amount that Brendan will consume during the day). I wouldn't have to waste any milk, since I could mix the formula as needed and not have extra. I could give him a formula that would help with the gas and whatever might be causing it. And it might get me a full night's sleep sooner rather than later. It's just really hard.
I'm sorry to just kind of go off, but I really feel like I'm just a meltdown away from thrusting him into the arms of the first person I see and running off screaming into the woods somewhere.
Pool Time
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Everybody's sleeping but me
A friend of mine who had a baby in January just posted that her baby slept from 9:30 last night until 7:30 this morning. When I expressed my envy, she was shocked to hear that Brendan's not sleeping straight through the night. Another of my friends informed me that her baby (a month younger than Brendan) was sleeping through the night from about 3 weeks old.
What the hell am I doing wrong? I'm doing demand feeding, basically because most everyone says that the Babywise method (or any other method involving scheduled feedings) leads to babies who are undernourished, dehydrated, and failing to thrive. And yet people keep asking me if I'm letting him "cry it out" at night. It seems like the two things are incompatible; how can I feed him when he wants it during the day and yet deny him a feeding at night? I've been hoping that one night he'll just, I don't know, not wake up until morning. Without my having to ignore his crying. Because I can't stand the crying, let me just say. It raises my blood pressure and makes me feel frantic, like I should be doing everything possible to get him to stop crying. If I let him cry, I generally end up crying myself. I've tried not responding to him right away at night, but he seems to get more and more agitated and awake, rather than giving up and going back to sleep. He doesn't seem to be into self-soothing. Now, there are times when I put him down while he's still somewhat awake, and he'll sort of croon to himself for a while and then fall asleep, but that doesn't seem to apply to when he wakes up, just when he's falling asleep after a feeding. Also, I think one cause of his waking is gas, and I don't know what to do about that at all. I've tried Mylicon, and it doesn't seem to do much good. I tried gripe water, and it seemed to make things worse.
So I don't know what to do. I feel like I must be doing things wrong, since everybody's babies are sleeping through the night but mine.
What the hell am I doing wrong? I'm doing demand feeding, basically because most everyone says that the Babywise method (or any other method involving scheduled feedings) leads to babies who are undernourished, dehydrated, and failing to thrive. And yet people keep asking me if I'm letting him "cry it out" at night. It seems like the two things are incompatible; how can I feed him when he wants it during the day and yet deny him a feeding at night? I've been hoping that one night he'll just, I don't know, not wake up until morning. Without my having to ignore his crying. Because I can't stand the crying, let me just say. It raises my blood pressure and makes me feel frantic, like I should be doing everything possible to get him to stop crying. If I let him cry, I generally end up crying myself. I've tried not responding to him right away at night, but he seems to get more and more agitated and awake, rather than giving up and going back to sleep. He doesn't seem to be into self-soothing. Now, there are times when I put him down while he's still somewhat awake, and he'll sort of croon to himself for a while and then fall asleep, but that doesn't seem to apply to when he wakes up, just when he's falling asleep after a feeding. Also, I think one cause of his waking is gas, and I don't know what to do about that at all. I've tried Mylicon, and it doesn't seem to do much good. I tried gripe water, and it seemed to make things worse.
So I don't know what to do. I feel like I must be doing things wrong, since everybody's babies are sleeping through the night but mine.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Branching out and going bad
Well, several new things have happened in the past week. First and foremost (for me) we got a gym membership, so I finally got to go work out. I went swimming a couple of times. It's certainly not enough to get me to lose weight on its own, but if I can get in some other workouts too, and cut back on the crap I've been eating, maybe I can lose weight. I weighed myself at the beginning of the week, and was horrified to see that I was 221. That means I gained back some of what I lost after having the baby. Not good at all. I need to find some kind of food routine: cut back on the amount of cereal I have in the mornings, and maybe just have Carnation Instant Breakfast or something for lunch, and then REALLY cut back on the amount I eat for dinner. I need more veggies too. I notice we eat a little healthier when my father-in-law is here, so I guess I need to do some better meal planning when he isn't.
Another new thing that happened this week--today, actually--and that is the introduction of a new food. Brendan's been doing really well with the rice cereal, and we had increased his amount to two feedings each day, one around lunch and one in the evening. He makes a tremendous mess when he eats, and to help him get used to swallowing I've been feeding him on his lounger pillow rather than sitting all the way up. I should bring the high chair we inherited from my sister-in-law up from the basement and start getting him used to it. But anyway, since he has been doing well with it, I figured we should consider introducing another cereal. My husband brought home baby oatmeal (no, the oatmeal isn't a baby; it's single grain and tiny so it's easy for a baby to eat; it looks like cream of wheat) this afternoon, so we mixed it up and gave him a bowl of it for dinner. He made a face at first, because I guess it was a different flavor that what he was expecting, but he ate the whole thing willingly enough. I'm hoping the oatmeal is popular with him. According to some things I've read, rice cereal can contribute to gas and constipation (he's been really gassy lately, and he's still been doing the "poop every three to four days" routine, but from what I've read, oatmeal will have a bit of a laxative effect and also cause less gas. Maybe now he'll stop waking up three or four times each night and go back to the one to two times that we were doing. Or, God willing, sleep straight through the night for once. It's now been over a year since the last time I slept straight through the night (one of the first symptoms of pregnancy I experienced was having to pee in the middle of the night), and I'd absolutely to get a good night's sleep someday soon.
The next new thing is also gym-related: Brendan got to go to childcare at the YMCA (our gym) for the first time. He wasn't thrilled either time: apparently, the first time he cried pretty hard for a little while (they actually came looking for me, but didn't see me in the pool) and then gave up and fell asleep. The second time, he was awake when I dropped him off and so the girl was going to take him out of his carseat, but he threw an absolute hissy fit, so she popped him back in his seat and he fell asleep. He needs to get used to people other than me, because he seems to be growing more and more attached to me. He'll often cry when other people are holding him and stop when I take him. I can certainly understand why; after all, I'm the one who provides all his food, and I'm the one who puts him to bed at night. I'm almost always the one who gives him his bath. And in the evenings I'm usually the one who plays with him; everyone else eventually puts him down so they can do something else. I'm with him all day long, and I'm the one who gets up with him at night. So it doesn't surprise me at all that he wants to be with me. But people (namely my in-laws and my husband) have started to make joking comments about how I've spoiled the baby. After all, I go and pick him up when he cries, rather than letting him lay there and get progressively angrier and angrier. That must be spoiling, right? Anyway, I know everyone is joking, but it's kind of hurting my feelings. I am NOT spoiling him. I don't think it's unreasonable to pick up a crying baby. He's crying for a reason, whatever that reason may be, and if he feels secure because he knows someone will take care of him, then he should be less likely to cry unnecessarily. So I'm really teaching him when to cry and when not to. Also, it's not like I snatch him up at every little squeak. At night, I only go in and get him if he's actually crying, as opposed to just making noises. Sometimes, when he's making noises, he'll go back to sleep. I only go in after him when he's starting to work himself up. During the day, I put him down so he can entertain himself. However, he can't crawl around or even sit up unassisted, so there's a limit to what he can do when he plays. So he gets bored. Rather than leaving him down until he starts wailing, I'll pick him up for a little while, then switch him to another activity. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes he'll take a nap, usually next to me on his Boppy pillow. I suspect when he's able to move around a bit more, at least sit up while he's playing, he'll be able to go longer and longer periods without my attention. But what it boils down to is, I'm not spoiling my baby, and I'm starting to resent when people suggest, even jokingly, that I am.
Another new thing that happened this week--today, actually--and that is the introduction of a new food. Brendan's been doing really well with the rice cereal, and we had increased his amount to two feedings each day, one around lunch and one in the evening. He makes a tremendous mess when he eats, and to help him get used to swallowing I've been feeding him on his lounger pillow rather than sitting all the way up. I should bring the high chair we inherited from my sister-in-law up from the basement and start getting him used to it. But anyway, since he has been doing well with it, I figured we should consider introducing another cereal. My husband brought home baby oatmeal (no, the oatmeal isn't a baby; it's single grain and tiny so it's easy for a baby to eat; it looks like cream of wheat) this afternoon, so we mixed it up and gave him a bowl of it for dinner. He made a face at first, because I guess it was a different flavor that what he was expecting, but he ate the whole thing willingly enough. I'm hoping the oatmeal is popular with him. According to some things I've read, rice cereal can contribute to gas and constipation (he's been really gassy lately, and he's still been doing the "poop every three to four days" routine, but from what I've read, oatmeal will have a bit of a laxative effect and also cause less gas. Maybe now he'll stop waking up three or four times each night and go back to the one to two times that we were doing. Or, God willing, sleep straight through the night for once. It's now been over a year since the last time I slept straight through the night (one of the first symptoms of pregnancy I experienced was having to pee in the middle of the night), and I'd absolutely to get a good night's sleep someday soon.
The next new thing is also gym-related: Brendan got to go to childcare at the YMCA (our gym) for the first time. He wasn't thrilled either time: apparently, the first time he cried pretty hard for a little while (they actually came looking for me, but didn't see me in the pool) and then gave up and fell asleep. The second time, he was awake when I dropped him off and so the girl was going to take him out of his carseat, but he threw an absolute hissy fit, so she popped him back in his seat and he fell asleep. He needs to get used to people other than me, because he seems to be growing more and more attached to me. He'll often cry when other people are holding him and stop when I take him. I can certainly understand why; after all, I'm the one who provides all his food, and I'm the one who puts him to bed at night. I'm almost always the one who gives him his bath. And in the evenings I'm usually the one who plays with him; everyone else eventually puts him down so they can do something else. I'm with him all day long, and I'm the one who gets up with him at night. So it doesn't surprise me at all that he wants to be with me. But people (namely my in-laws and my husband) have started to make joking comments about how I've spoiled the baby. After all, I go and pick him up when he cries, rather than letting him lay there and get progressively angrier and angrier. That must be spoiling, right? Anyway, I know everyone is joking, but it's kind of hurting my feelings. I am NOT spoiling him. I don't think it's unreasonable to pick up a crying baby. He's crying for a reason, whatever that reason may be, and if he feels secure because he knows someone will take care of him, then he should be less likely to cry unnecessarily. So I'm really teaching him when to cry and when not to. Also, it's not like I snatch him up at every little squeak. At night, I only go in and get him if he's actually crying, as opposed to just making noises. Sometimes, when he's making noises, he'll go back to sleep. I only go in after him when he's starting to work himself up. During the day, I put him down so he can entertain himself. However, he can't crawl around or even sit up unassisted, so there's a limit to what he can do when he plays. So he gets bored. Rather than leaving him down until he starts wailing, I'll pick him up for a little while, then switch him to another activity. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes he'll take a nap, usually next to me on his Boppy pillow. I suspect when he's able to move around a bit more, at least sit up while he's playing, he'll be able to go longer and longer periods without my attention. But what it boils down to is, I'm not spoiling my baby, and I'm starting to resent when people suggest, even jokingly, that I am.
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