It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black

I'm starting to wonder if we've made some mistakes. As happy as I am that we moved from the South, and as happy as I am to be pregnant, financially this is turning into a disaster. My failure to find fulltime employment has put us in a serious hole, monetarily speaking. And now that the situation is getting pretty dire, I'm at the point in my pregnancy where no one in their right mind would hire me. I mean, who wants someone who can work for a maximum of two months. I'm two days away from 32 weeks pregnant, and there's simply no way to predict when I might deliver. So really, it's likely that 6 weeks of working is about as good as it's going to get. I'm still on the sub list for the local school districts, but subbing is unpredictable. I might get called for a job; I might not. I think I made a mistake in the schools I "re-upped" with for subbing. The district that called me most often last year I told that I would not be returning this fall because of the pregnancy. That was partly true, but mainly I told them this because the kids were HORRIBLE. I only subbed there a few times, despite the fact that they called me more often than anywhere else, because the kids were HORRIBLE. I didn't want to deal with that again. Now I'm starting to wish I had just sucked it up and told them I'd be back. I don't expect I'll be getting a lot of calls to sub just yet, since school just started this week. I haven't managed to get on the schedule to tutor either. So I'm pretty much f*cked. I feel like the biggest failure EVER. All I ever wanted to do was teach. Now I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get to teach my own classroom again. I just don't know what to do.

Craving cravings

Here I am at 30 weeks (plus a couple days). I'm a little surprised I haven't gained more weight--I weighed myself yesterday morning and was a 227.4. That means I haven't gained any weight in the past two weeks or so. Surprising, especially since I feel like a whale. I'm much more conscious of my size and much more aware of my stomach getting in the way of things like clipping my toenails and drying my legs when I get out of the shower. I feel like I'm waddling a lot more, and I'm having a lot more trouble sleeping comfortably and a lot more heartburn (which is surprising since I take Prilosec regularly for heartburn anyway). I'm definitely glad I'm getting close to the end, although this has been a really easy ride so far. I'm sure I'm getting off a lot lighter than a lot of other women.

There are a couple of observations I've made that I find interesting. While I don't think I've had any true cravings--nothing I've suddenly sat up and said "I must have this NOW"--I have noticed that I've been eating a lot more fruit and drinking a lot more fruit juice than I used to. This is certainly a good thing. But there hasn't been once particular fruit that I've craved. I've eaten a lot of bananas, plums, cherries, strawberries, grapes, and watermelon, in no particular order. I also have noticed that I've wanted cold sweets, namely ice cream and popsicles. I've stopped more than once at Dairy Queen and gotten an ice cream cone, which is a rarity for me otherwise (not that I don't like DQ, but it isn't the sort of thing I would normally have done, pre-pregnancy). While there's a "wives tale" about craving sweets meaning one is having a girl, I find lots and lots of people on these pregnancy sites and other forums saying that they had craved sweets, and had boys. And I am pretty sure, with the photo we got during our ultrasound, that we ARE having a boy.

The other thing I've found interesting is the one thing that has made me feel sick, after the initial morning sickness that is. And that one thing is...beef. Now, this seems completely crazy to me, because I am a steak LOVER. Normally, few things make me happier than a rare steak. And I always like a good hamburger. But there have been a few times during the pregnancy that I have found myself feeling like I was right on the verge of barfing. And each one of those times, beef has been involved. A couple of times we've gotten hamburgers (once at McDonald's, and a couple of times at Fudrucker's) and I've had to pause while eating and stifle the urge to throw up. And we went out for steak at Texas Roadhouse and I got my usual (prime rib, rare), and again I had to slow WAY down and fight the feeling. I don't have any idea why the hamburgers and the steak would have had such an impact on me. The only time I've ever actually thrown up, the whole pregnancy, was early on, in the first trimester, and I ate a banana right after I got up and promptly yakked it back up. And the beef isn't ALWAYS a problem; I've also eaten steak and hamburger and felt just fine the whole time. But I haven't CRAVED red meat during the pregnancy, and that is VERY unusual for me. Under normal circumstances, I have steak cravings every few weeks. So maybe what's interesting about my pregnancy is not the cravings, but the LACK of cravings.

Anticipation is swelling

Man, my ankles are swollen! We went camping this weekend, and all the sitting in the car didn't help. I need to keep drinking water and such, but my ankles still stay swollen. Meh.

I'm 29 weeks now. I can't believe that I've only got eleven weeks to go. Time flies when you are having fun, I guess. I'm starting to develop that "pregnant lady waddle". My hips hurt quite a bit. I'm pretty sure it's the hormones that cause my ligaments to stretch, and that's why my hips are loosening up. I guess I need to try some stretches to improve my flexibility and make my joints feel better.

The baby is still kicking quite a bit, and I'm sure he's going to start getting fussier as he runs out of space in there. He's a wiggly little thing, for sure.

Well, time to put up my feet and drink some water. *sigh*