So much reading material

I didn't weigh myself this morning, but yesterday I was 206.6. I really haven't gained any weight at all. As a matter of fact, the only day I really weighed heavier was the day I went in for my first prenatal exam, last Friday.

It was a long appointment, especially when you consider that I never even got to see the doctor. This first appointment was to talk over the financial options for paying for all this, the classes the birth center offers, and my health background. As a matter of fact, they only did a few "medical" things to me: took blood and urine (I had no problem with the urine, as I seem to have a surplus), and tried to hear a fetal heartbeat. Unfortunately, we couldn't hear anything; the nurse said it was unlikely we would, since it was so early in the pregnancy. I figure my weight didn't necessarily help either, since that meant there was an extra layer of fat to try and listen through. She said we'd be able to hear something the next time. I was disappointed there wasn't more to the appointment. The nurse gave me a bunch of literature to read.

I am collecting books at this point. We already had two about pregnancy (plus one about the first year of life), and I haven't even finished one of them yet. There's just so much to know! How did people ever have babies when there wasn't all this literature to read?

I need to win the lottery

I'm a bit stressed today. I talked with my husband a bit yesterday and today, and he is deeply concerned with our finances. Although he got a pretty good raise in pay coming to his new job, we took a big financial hit because I don't have fulltime employment anymore.

Subbing just isn't cutting it. If I were subbing five days a week, we could certainly make a go of it, but I'm only getting a few jobs each month, and that simply won't do. I could probably pick up more subbing jobs if I were less picky, but it would me taking age groups and subjects I'm not comfortable with, and going to schools that I would prefer to avoid. I already hate subbing (the kids don't behave well, teachers don't always leave great lesson plans or adequate work, and it just isn't very fulfilling especially when compared to a classroom teaching gig), and that's subbing in situations I am comfortable with.

The problem is, I don't know what else to do. I would love to be a writer, but that simply won't happen. While I am a good writer (technically speaking), I am not a creative writer by any standard. To be a published writer you have to have creative and unique ideas, and I just don't. I do fine if you tell me what to write about, but that isn't how writing works. Anything that involves working from home would be ideal, but many of the "work at home" opportunities I'm finding are scams and wouldn't be worth the effort. I looked at online tutoring, but it seems that there must be a plethora of English tutors out there, because I'm not finding any available positions. I thought about teaching online classes, but even for an online school like DeVry University (which doesn't exactly carry a huge load of respect in the education world) they require their teachers to have a master's degree. I have two bachelor's degrees and 40 hours of graduate classes, but I never finished my master's degree, and now with our financial situation I certainly can't afford to take any classes. I've only had two other jobs in my life: lifeguard/swim instructor/coach, and a receptionist in a medical office. Lifeguarding or teaching swimming lessons can't really be considered at this point with my physical condition; I really don't relish having little kids kicking off of my stomach time and time again. Also, swimming around here is very much a seasonal activity, so I can't really expect to make it a fulltime job. That leaves medical receptionist. I worked in a nursing home on weekends (not really a difficult job), and I also worked at a busy eye doctor's office scheduling appointments. I guess this may be what I must consider.

But it's breaking my heart to consider a vocation change. I love being a teacher. I love the other teachers, I love the students, I love the curriculum. It's the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life.

It's just making me really upset. I'm glad we moved out of Memphis, but right now I'd almost be willing to trade it to have my old job back. One of my coworkers just had a baby this past fall, and she was able to take a few months off of school (she prepared all the lesson plans for the sub and graded all the papers just as she would have if she had been at school) and then was able to start up again after the semester break.

I just don't know what to do.

Keeping secrets

Today's weigh-in: 206.2

I'm finding it really weird that I haven't gained any weight at all so far in this experience. I guess it worries me a little, although I know weight gain is much more significant in the later months of pregnancy. I'm afraid I'm not eating right. We've bought a couple books--What to Expect When You're Expecting and You, Having a Baby--and I know both books have chapters about eating. I will probably sit down tomorrow and do some serious reading to make sure I am eating appropriately.

I also have my very first prenatal appointment on Friday. I know I'm going to have to have a pelvic exam, which I am of course dreading (who wouldn't), but I suspect there's going to be plenty of time to ask questions, which I need to do. I may need to make a list of questions ahead of time, so I don't forget anything. My husband was talking about taking the morning off of work to go with me, but I don't know if that's going to happen.

I'm noticing some physical changes. My boobs still hurt, which is really annoying and probably the biggest pain in the butt. But my stomach does seem to be changing. The biggest thing seems to be that I can't "suck in" my tummy like I used to. Being overweight, that's always been a part of my regular daily routine. Suck the tummy in and go about my business. But I feel like I can't pull my stomach in. Instead, my upper abdomen feels, I don't know, sort of hard. I guess the best description I can give is that it feels like I've eaten a ton of food and am super full. I've noticed that a couple of my pairs of pants don't fit quite the same. So far everything I have in the closet is still wearable, but I suspect I'm going to be reaching the point, with my pants especially, where I'm going to want to wear maternity pants instead of my regular pants. I think I'll probably be going shopping in the next few days.

I have had a little morning sickness, but only once so far have I thrown up. It isn't even always nausea. Instead, it's just kind of an upset stomach, without feeling like vomiting. Kind of like a hangover, day 2. It's definitely better when I can stay in bed a little longer and get up slowly but surely. When I jump right out of bed I really feel like yakking.

Right now our main concern is when to tell our families. I have a fear of telling people too soon, and then something goes wrong and we'll have to break the bad news to people. I think that would be devastating. But the struggle also involves the fact that both my dad and brother will be out of the country until AFTER I deliver. My brother is in Afghanistan right now as a civilian contractor, and my dad is going to Djibouti in a similar capacity. I sort of feel like I should tell them, especially since something could happen at any time, especially to my brother. But it wouldn't be fair to tell my side of the family and not tell my in-laws. But I can also guarantee that as soon as my mother-in-law knows, it's all over (meaning everyone else will know too). So I'd at least like to put off telling everyone until I'm out of the first trimester. We're looking at somewhere around the end of April/beginning of May. However, my in-laws live only five hours away and we see them pretty frequently. My father-in-law actually stays with us two weeks each month because he works on the Indian reservation up here (as well as the one closer to where they live). How can I hide this from him? He's a pharmacist, so he knows medical symptoms. I'm afraid he's going to notice the morning sickness, the physical changes, stuff like that. And they're going to be here at our house this Friday when I have to go to my doctor's appointment. So our intentions of keeping this little secret to ourselves for a few more weeks may not float. We'll see.

I'm not the only one.

Today's weigh-in: 205.6

I know that's somewhat moot, but I am finding it interesting that I have not gained any weight yet. I haven't been eating as much as I probably should. I've read that a pregnant woman should add 300-400 calories to her diet. I'm surely not there, and so those extra calories may be coming from my admittedly ample supply of fat, so I'm losing a bit of weight. I've got an appointment with an OB/GYN next Friday, and I'll be sure to ask her what I need to do as far as diet is concerned. I know I will need to gain some weight, but perhaps this losing thing isn't all bad. I just don't know.

We haven't told anyone in the family yet, and I'm wondering how long we'll be able to maintain that. My concern is that, if we let everyone know early in the pregnancy and then something goes wrong, it will be that much more painful and awkward letting everyone know. I'd really like to wait until I'm about halfway along, which would be the end of May. I will probably be showing before then, and since my in-laws live only five hours away and we see them fairly often, we may not be able to keep it a secret for very long. I do feel a little guilty, because my brother just shipped out to Afghanistan until January, and my dad is leaving for Djibouti Africa until December. I feel like I should let them know sooner, since they won't be around for the adventure. But if I tell them, I need to tell everyone else.

I did read in the news today that I will be sharing this adventure with someone from my childhood. Danica McKellar, math goddess and everyone's darling Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years, just announced that she too is pregnant. She and I are about the same age (I'm three months older), so we're both in the same risk category. It will be interesting to hear her perceptions as we both progress along...

So, it's a whole new ballgame...

You'll notice a few changes in this blog. It was originally about preparing myself, mentally and physically, for the possibility that I might at some point become a parent. A high priority was weight loss, since I am and pretty much always have been overweight. So I was documenting the weight loss (that wasn't happening) and the research I was doing into issues surrounding pregnancy and parenthood.

And then...

I got pregnant.

Yep, that's right. We made the decision back around Christmas that, since my birth control prescription was expiring, we would go ahead and not refill the prescription and just see what happened. We weren't necessarily trying to GET pregnant; we just weren't trying to prevent it. I had heard stories that, after taking birth control for extended lengths of time, it takes the body a few months, sometimes up to a year, to adjust to no birth control and get back on schedule. So we figured we had a little time.

But a little time ended up being only one period, in January. February rolled around, and nothing happened. No period, no nothing. A few occasional cramps. That was it. But again, I had read that until the body completely adjusted to being off birth control, periods would be irregular and possibly missed altogether. So I waited. I figured my period would give up and show itself eventually. And the time grew closer for my husband's cousin to come visit us, bringing some snowboarding days and a lot of activity. The day before she arrived, I couldn't take the suspense anymore. I stopped at the store and bought a box of take-at-home pregnancy tests, and took one that afternoon. Pee on the stick, wait a few minutes, and check the digital read-out. And the read-out said: YES+.

I told my husband when he got home that evening. But of course, those tests aren't always guaranteed, so I took the second test from the box a few days later, thinking the hormones might be different. This time, the read-out said: YES+, and my husband got to see it for himself. So the likelihood increased again, but we couldn't really do anything else about it. My husband's cousin was visiting, and my father-in-law was staying with us for his customary two weeks each month while he worked out at the nearby Indian reservation. I just watched what I ate, tried to be as careful as possible while snowboarding (I managed to avoid pretty much any falling at all), and waited.

Finally, today rolled around. My husband's cousin had gone home, my father-in-law left for work and wouldn't be back for a couple of weeks, and I needed to visit the doctor for a possible ear infection anyway. So while I was at the doctor's office, I told the doctor my suspicions about being pregnant. The tech drew some blood, and the doctor called me about an hour later to confirm what I had already suspected for about a month: I AM PREGNANT. Probably about 6 weeks pregnant, based on my last period and when women traditionally ovulate. That would put delivery somewhere around the end of October/beginning of November. I still need to schedule an appointment with an OB and start all that prenatal stuff, but at least now I know the truth.

And I am excited about it. While I can't really believe that I've got something growing inside me (ever see Alien?), and I know this will completely change our lives and our relationship, I really think this is going to be a great adventure. My brother is leaving (today, as a matter of fact) for Afghanistan for ten months, and my dad is leaving in a few weeks for Djibouti, Africa for about a year, and I've been feeling a little, I don't know, left behind I guess, since everyone else is having adventures but me. So now, I am going to have an adventure of my own.

An adventure that will last for the next, oh, rest of my life.

Exactly what have I gotten myself into?

Do-Over Day 61 - 3/2/10

Today's weigh-in: 206.4

I seem to eat better when my father-in-law is in town. He stays with us for the first two weeks of every month for work, and he's got some medical problems and is trying to lose weight, so I try to cook reasonably healthy when he's here. Smaller portions, healthier food. Maybe he should live here all the time.

I looked on Women's Health Care Topics for household products to avoid when pregnant. I know many cleaning products can be replaced with vinegar, so that's not a huge problem, but I was just curious. Here's their list of (not just household but other) things to avoid:

What to Avoid
Avoid These Dangers

Sure, you know that you should not be drinking alcohol, smoking, or eating excessive amounts of junk food. But here are some things to avoid you may not have thought of.

What Should You Avoid?

Foods

Fish high in mercury (like tuna and salmon)

Raw meat or fish (skip the sushi until baby is born)

Deli meats. They're high in fat, many are heavily salted and may contain a contaminant called Listeria. These bacteria can harm an unborn baby severely. It can also cause a miscarriage or stillbirth. Avoid the deli counter for a while. It's important.

Soft cheeses like blue, Brie or feta. Any soft cheese has the potential to carry the Listeria bacteria.

Raw or undercooked eggs. These foods may carry Salmonella- a dangerous toxin.

Caffeine, which, in high amounts, is associated with birth defects and miscarriage.

Alcohol. Any amount, in any form - alcohol is dangerous to your baby's health.


Drugs

There is no 'safe' time to use and abuse dangerous and illegal drugs. When you put bad things into your body, it can have a lifelong, life-threatening impact on the health of your child.

If you use any of the following illicit drugs and you know you're pregnant or are trying to become pregnant, you must stop now. You must also inform your doctor of the drugs you have been taking.

Marijuana

Cocaine

Methamphetamine

Heroin and all other narcotics

PCP

LSD

Glues and solvents

Ecstasy

Designer/club drugs

Nicotine


Medications

Many over the counter (OTC) and prescription drugs contain ingredients that are safe for unpregnant adults but may be harmful to baby. That's why you should inform your doctor of any and all medications and food supplement you've been taking.

Androgens/testosterone-based supplements and medications

ACE inhibitors

Carbamazepine

Coumarin by-products

Anti-folic acid medications

Tetracycline

Thalidomide

Vitamin A and associated by products, i.e. retinoids

Phenytoin

Trimethadione/paramethadione


Harmful Chemical Agents

You might not think of your home as a danger zone, but it may well be for your baby.

Many common household products contain agents that can do serious harm to an unborn. During pregnancy, avoid the following:

Diethylstilbestrol (DES)

Lead

Lithium

Mercury

Formaldehyde

Valproic acid

I had no idea about the deli meats. I guess I need to avoid sandwiches for a while. I also need to skip the Diet Cokes to get rid of the caffeine. And, while the list of chemicals is helpful, I was sort of hoping for a list of PRODUCTS to skip. Now I need to start checking all my cleaning supplies for these things. Gives me more to do. Meh.

On to other things...still no period...