Yes, I know. I have made zero progress. I have not been to the gym in weeks now, and I'm running out of excuses. I guess that could be a good thing. I do plan on going today after work, and I'd like to go tomorrow morning and then maybe hit the driving range in the afternoon. We did that last weekend, and it was nice to get out.
I've been really down lately. I've been unhappy about my weight, unhappy about my work, and I've just sort of let my emotions spiral down the toilet. I didn't realize that I was neglecting my husband so badly until last night when we had the first long serious talk we've had since...well, I guess since our drive in December where we discussed the idea of children. We had some disappointments lately--trouble with our house and landlord, family issues, money problems, and a job possibility for my husband in the town we'd love to move to that ended up washing out--and I guess I've let it get to me in more ways than I had realized.
Anyway, it was nice to talk to my husband and get some of these worries and concerns that we both have but hadn't shared with each other before out in the open. It made me realize that we were actually both stressing about some of the same things, but we hadn't talked to each other about them. My husband is my best friend, and when I come to the realization that I haven't been sharing my troubles with him, well, that's when I realize my priorities have gotten seriously out of whack.
So I've thought about the things in my life that I really need to focus on.
1) Family
I need to make sure that I always make time for my husband. It isn't fair for me to wallow in self-pity every day, dragging myself out of bed in the mornings, spending my evenings with my face glued to the computer, and burrowing into the bed at night without talking to him and finding out about his day. I also need to do a better job of communicating, with him and with the rest of my family. Since my mom died, my contact with my family has been my weekly phone call to my dad (which might last between 15-30 minutes for most weeks) and the occasional random e-mail or phone conversation with my brother. I really think I might have only talked to him twice last month. As my husband pointed out last night, sure he doesn't always call me, but when was the last time I called him?
2) Health
I need to take better care of myself. No more letting my bad eating habits gang up on me. No more workout avoidance. If I can't do something to help myself, I may have to spring for a fitness trainer. I can't move on with my life if this is the best I can do, because it will always end up consuming me (the irony, I know).
3) Finances
I need to stop spending. That movie Confessions of a Shopaholic is out in theatres, and I'm not really needing to see it because, heck, I've lived it. I love to buy things. Not just clothes, things. Books, movies, CDs, video games, etc. I'm always itching to spend money on something. Well, we'll never be able to afford to move to a better house, buy nicer furniture, or have a kid and the expenses that come with it if I can't get a rein on things. We did come up with a plan, sort of, that involves using our tax refund (thank God that's coming) to pay off some credit cards, funneling the money from those payments and our truck payment (since it's almost paid off) towards other cards and savings. Maybe in a few years we'll be lucky and persistent enough to have saved for a down payment on a house (assuming housing prices don't rocket backup).
4) Work
I've been half-assing it for a while at work, I guess, and I didn't realize it until this year, when I finally had to compare myself to another teacher who teaches the same class I do (I've never had to share a class before). She's efficient, she's organized, she prepares everything well in advance...basically, everything I DON'T do. She'll ask me for lesson plans or a syllabus so she can pattern her class on mine, and I'll have to whomp one together because I don't have one. Her class is way ahead of mine when it comes to the texts they're reading, and even she admitted to me the other day that she was "worried they wouldn't get it all done" before the end of the year. Well, if SHE'S stressed about packing it all in, imagine how I've been feeling! I've got to start preparing ahead of time and sticking to the plan. I guess I shouldn't really teach by the seat of my pants, as it were.
5) Home
I need to plan out some basic chores at the house--dishes, laundry, trash removal, dusting, vacuuming--and do them at the same time each day or each week. Otherwise things pile up and get nasty, and the more nasty they get the less I want to take care of them anyway. Maybe my house wouldn't be such a piece of crap if I tried to take better care of it.
Well, these are the things I need to focus on. I hope I can. Otherwise, my mental health will become more of a problem than my physical health has become.
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