Pool Time

Pool Time

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Slow progress is still progress

Today's weigh-in: 191.8

Well, I'm nearing a goal...I had hoped a couple weeks ago that I could be at or below 190 by the end of the school year. We still have four weeks to go, so it's looking possible. [Of course, I could easily bounce right back up, so I'm not trying to count any chickens before they've hatched.]

The next goal I have in mind is 185, which will put me in both of my kayaks again. I'd like to paddle a bit this summer, probably not on any rivers but maybe on the local lake.

After that, I'm hoping to get down below 175...that's about what my lowest previous weight was, around 2006? Hard to remember that long ago.

It's very slow going, though. I'll be stuck, plateaued, with my weight yo-yoing in a 3-4 lb fluctuation. This 191 that I've got could easily be 194 tomorrow. I need to keep going. I just wish I could have a consistent weight loss instead of the yo-yo pattern. That is no fun.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Think about Ink

So, for a while now, I've really wanted to get another tattoo. I got my 8th tattoo back in 2012, a few months after my younger son was born. This was the most important tattoo, one that was a memorial for my mother. It's a big celtic cross with knotwork on my left shoulderblade, and it has her initials in her own handwriting beneath it. I love my tattoos, although I admit that several of them have no real significance; I just got them because I liked them. But now, I have several more ideas for tattoos that I really really want to get, and all of them have significance.

1) On my right foot I would like to get a quote from Lord of the Rings. It's a line from the poem about Aragon: "Not all those who wander are lost." I would do it in a font similar to what Tolkien used for the books. I would like to put it along the outside of my foot, maybe wrapping around to the top. I'd also like to put a compass rose on the top of my foot. I'm trying to figure out if there's a way that I can incorporate several things into the compass rose. I'd like the arrows of the rose to be Katniss' arrows from The Hunger Games. In the center of the rose, I'd like to put the Deathly Hallows symbol. I'd love to see if I could get the Star Trek logo in there somehow as well, but I'm not sure how. And I want to find a way to incorporate a semicolon (see The Semicolon Project). I don't know if I can get all those things into the compass rose. I might just do the rose with the semicolons and save the other symbols for another time.

2) On the inside of my left forearm, I would like to get a quote from To Kill A Mockingbird, in type font. It's from the end of the book. Scout says, "Atticus, he was real nice." And Atticus replies, "Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them."

3) I want to get another Celtic knot, called a motherhood knot. I'm thinking about the back of my neck, or maybe the middle of my back between my shoulderblades. I would love to get some cool colors with it, like a watercolor splash. And I'm thinking about incorporating a quote somehow. I love the line from Shakespeare's play The Tempest: "We are such stuff as dreams are made on."

The problem is, how to pay for all this. I'm notoriously bad at money; I tend to spend it as soon as I have it. I need to save a couple hundred dollars for each tattoo, I'm sure. Just don't know how my hubby will feel about it. He has one tattoo, but he's never succumbed to the addiction like I have. Hard to justify a couple tattoos when we've got hefty balances on our credit cards. :/ I need to figure out how to make some money. O.o

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Cheaters Never Prosper

Today's weigh-in: 194.4

The reason I titled it "cheaters never prosper" is because I haven't been great about what I've been eating the past couple of days, and it has shown in the fact that an otherwise impressive several-pound run over the previous few days quickly ground to a halt. I was 194 flat on Tuesday, 194.4 yesterday, and 194.4 again today.  I had some pringles, a crescent roll, some sugar-free (but still carb-y) ice cream, a nibble of a gluten-free (but not carb-free) apple crumble that I had made for my coworkers--not all at once, mind you, but any shift back to a more carb-centered diet from the low carb one we are doing now is likely to impact my weight loss. Someday, when I'm significantly lighter than this, I can perhaps have a cheat meal once every week or so, but I probably won't even be able to eat that way again, at least not regularly.

Which is why it is so easy to cheat. My kids are not eating a low carb diet. Little kids burn up tons of energy, and neither of my boys is fat, so neither has any reserves to burn. They need to burn carbs, so they need to eat them. That doesn't mean tons of sugar, but they eat cereal, bread, crackers, rice, pasta...all those things that I can't eat anymore. Which means I'm preparing those things, which means it's easy to taste-test or to snarf up their leftovers... it's easy to cheat. But if I cheat, I don't lose weight. I have to keep myself on track.

So far, I've done ok. While the weight loss has indeed slowed down to what sometimes feels like a crawl, it is still happening. I'm excited to be below the weight I was when we first moved here almost seven years ago (is that even possible? Almost seven years ago?), but I still have a long way to go. My husband mentioned that he is within a few pounds of the weight he was when we first met. That might be true for him, but it isn't for me. I might have been about 160 when I met my husband, but I was at the start of an eating disorder which caused me to drop about 35 lbs over the next year, putting me at my lowest adult weight of just under 125 lbs. There is no way I could ever achieve that kind of weight again, without resorting to something similar (obviously not a good idea). Honestly, if I could get under 170 lbs, I'd be ecstatic.

The next milestones I can achieve will be to reach the weight ranges for my kayaks (which I haven't been in since...forever--I don't even know when the last time I paddled was; we might have gotten in the boats when Brendan was little, just to paddle around a bit). The top weight for the Agent is 190; the top weight for my Little Joe is 185. I'm close, but not quite there yet. My goal, with eight weeks left before summer, is to at least be in the weight range for the Agent. I'd love to be in the Joe's range as well, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. I plan to paddle some this summer, even if it's just in the lake.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Wake me up when January ends

Today's weigh-in: 206.0

Well, the month of January has been a bust.  I'm still finishing the month (tomorrow) almost 25 lbs down from my starting point in October, but looking back at my weight this month, I've had so many plateaus and rebounds that I'm not finishing with any real weight loss for the month. I was at 207 at the beginning of the month; here I am at 206 on the second to the last day of the month.  Even at my lightest weight so far, 204, I was only down not quite 4 lbs from that start point.

I think it's pretty clear that the diet alone is not really going to help me anymore.  The days I've seen the best results have been days that I've chosen to not really eat dinner.  That means it's the calorie restriction more than the ketogenic diet doing the work.  It seems strange to me to put forth the effort of making dinner for my family and then not eat any of it.  I'm not sure what kind of message that might send to my children in the long run.  It's already hard enough to get them to sit still and eat their own food without me having to explain why I'm not eating anything.

I don't feel like I eat a lot.  I have a couple cups of coffee during the day, with accompanying almond milk and/or cream; a celery stick with peanut butter; a couple of Atkins bars (which claim to be low in carbs, and have a lot of protein but not much fat); maybe a handful of nuts; meat and cheese for lunch; and then whatever we have for dinner, usually meat and veggies with some kind of cream sauce.  My "splurge" is whipped cream, which I'm sure adds carbs because of the sugar in it, but I would have hoped I wasn't eating that much of it.

The worst thing so far is how tired I am.  I just feel really run-down.  My husband, having lost almost 60 lbs so far without much exercise, is feeling good and sleeping much better than he used to, but I'm still not sleeping great.  I usually wake up a couple times at night, and when I wake up in the morning my muscles are stiff and sore and I have a headache.  I still take blood pressure medication, and when I ran out the other day I gained a couple pounds but had high hopes that I would lose the weight again when refilling my meds, but it didn't really happen.  I really want to sleep.  All the time.

I wonder if it's "that time of the month" for me.  I never know anymore; I have Mirena bc that has allowed me to not have a period since it was put in almost 4 years ago.  But I know I still get moody.  And that's how I've been feeling: sad and tired and disappointed.

I know I need to start exercising, but I just don't have any energy or motivation to do so.  I want to start walking the dog again in the mornings instead of just putting her out in the yard, but when it's cold and windy out, I don't have the desire to do so.

I'm stuck in a rut.  Boo hiss.  Hopefully February will bring much-needed changes.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Slow Going

Today's weigh-in: 204.8

I'm only down three pounds since the beginning of the year.  I actually had a nasty plateau, where I was stuck between 207-208 for an entire week and then jumped back up to 209 for a week, and then suddenly lost 4 lbs in two days and eventually made it down to 204.  So I continue to lose, but it is slow going indeed.  While my husband is over 50 lbs down from his starting weight, he's lost more than twice what I have, and he doesn't seem to have the same struggle with plateauing that I do.

I think what this means for me is that I truly do need to pay close attention to how much I'm eating.  Also, I seem to do better when I don't eat dinner.  Which makes sense, I suppose, because it would suggest that I take in more calories when I eat dinner.  What seems to work best for me is to have a couple cups of coffee in the morning, a small lunch, a snack in mid afternoon, and a snack when I get home from work.  That, of course, is difficult if I'm making a full meal for everyone else.  I guess I can make dinner and just not really eat any of it.

I also really need to start working out.  I haven't done anything yet, and I suspect that it will help my weight loss as long as I don't start adding too much muscle.  I do need to tone my arms, because they are distressingly flabby.  Gross.

Anyway, my next milestone is to be below 200.  I'd love for it to happen before the beginning of February, but I'm not holding my breath.

I have another goal as well.  I would like to get the house cleaned up and more organized.  I've done a little bit so far; I sorted through a bit of the boys' clothes and tossed some of the stuff that's too old/small, and I went through a couple of my dresser drawers and did the same.  Sadly, it meant that I had to say goodbye to a few shirts that I've had for a really long time, including a few St. Agnes shirts.  I just need to remember that some of the smaller shirts that I have might start fitting again, and that the bigger stuff can go.  If I were craftsy, I'd try to make my SAA shirts into a t-shirt quilt, but I don't have the ability to do it myself, and I'm not willing to spend money to have someone else do it.

I need to go through the rest of my dresser drawers and get that cleaned out.  Then I should tackle my closet.  The shoes have mostly been sorted already.  I want to get the closet more usable, since it's so crowded.  I need to figure out some kind of trays or baskets that I can use to organize under the bathroom sinks and on the over-the-toilet shelves.  And of course the boys have a ton of toys that need to be sorted and tossed.  I also have thousands of Magic cards that need to be sorted, alphabetized, and filed away.  Maybe I can skip a day of school to work on that.

So it's a lot, but it has to be done at some point.  It's all part of pretending to be a grown-up.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Happy New Year!

Today's weigh-in: 207.8.

I had really hoped to start off 2016 with my lowest weight in years (which was yesterday's weigh-in of 207 flat), but I apparently ate a lot yesterday. I'll try to do better today.

So, the low carb diet has been working, although not without its difficulties.  Despite what some low carbers say, I do feel that I need to be mindful of the calories I consume, but of course most of my attention goes to making sure I'm not eating carbs and am eating fat.  The whole thing still seems weird and counterintuitive to me, but it seems to be working.  Since starting this diet on October 26, 2015, I have lost 23 lbs.  Prior to the diet, I had lost only three lbs the entire rest of 2015.  I would say that is evidence to suggest that the low carb diet has merit.  I'm hoping to continue the weight loss.  I don't really have any "goals" exactly; I just want to lose as much as I can.  I guess when the weight loss finally stops, it will be time to put myself in maintenance mode.  I'm sort of hoping that will be down around 150 lbs, which would be about an 80-lb loss, but I don't know what is possible and what is likely.  The milestones coming up would be 206 (the weight I was when I found out I was pregnant with Brendan), 200 (the weight I was right after we moved to Billings), and 175 (my previous lightest weight back in 2006 or so).  It will also be nice to be back in the weight ranges for my boats.  I'd love to start boating again.

Since it's the first day of the new year, I guess it's time for some resolutions.  Some of these are hard and fast goals to accomplish, others are just things to get better about.

1) Obviously, the weight loss is the first item.  Like I said, I don't have any specific goals in mind; I just want to keep losing.  My husband has lost almost 50 lbs on this diet, more than twice what I've lost.  I need to keep at it.  Not that it's a competition, but still... Part of my desire with the weight loss is to start incorporating exercise.  It boggles my mind that I've lost over 20 lbs without any kind of exercise at all, but I'm pretty sure that the weight loss won't continue, at least not at its present rate, without a little help.  I'd like to exercise 3 times a week, for now, maybe for about 20 minutes or so.  I'll start small.

2) Do a better job at work.  This one is pretty non-specific, and encompasses a number of things.  I've been intending to compile binders for all the units I teach in each class, which will include a unit rationale and overview, a schedule, the standards alignment for all the assignments, the assignments themselves, and any additional materials.  That would be nice, to have everything right where I can find it, instead of digging in my file cabinets over and over again.  That doesn't mean that I'll always get to everything; I never do.  I'd also like to do a better job of getting stuff graded quickly.  I started out ok this semester, but now I'm way behind.  I'm currently trying to grade an essay they turned in back in mid December, a travel brochure they turned in right before break, AND the rough draft of an argumentative essay that must contain comments and corrections...by Monday.  Great.

3) Clean up the house.  I have a few specific jobs that I want to accomplish.  I need to finish sorting/tossing the toys in the basement.  They've been stuffed into plastic tubs for long enough now that I'm sure the boys won't even remember most of them, let alone want to play with them.  It's just a matter of getting them out of the house without the boys noticing.  I'd like my husband to build some storage system down there; that would certainly help.  I also need to get my Magic cards sorted, alphabetized, and stored.  I'd like to make some new decks, not that I ever play anymore, but I can't really do that if I don't know what I have.  Lastly, I'd like to get some storage baskets and tubs and such for the bathrooms, to more easily store things like makeup and stuff like that.  Right now things are just kind of all over the counters or tossed under the sink, which doesn't help us find anything.  I'm sure there's a lot of other stuff I could include, like sorting my clothes and getting rid of stuff that's outdated or doesn't fit, but I'm reluctant to do some of that with the weight loss that's progressing.  I need to finish the clothing purge I've been doing for the boys, and I'm sure my husband needs to do some for himself.  There's also the matter of printing photos and putting them in the frames that have been sitting idle for, gosh, years now, and we need to put away all the Christmas stuff.  That's plenty for now.

Anyway, that's a good place to start.  Time to go grade some essays.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Too tired to think about low carb

Today's weigh-in: 222.4

Well, I'm down about 7 lbs since the beginning of the week.  What I've read about the ketogenic (low carb, high fat) diet is that the quick weight loss at the beginning is mostly water weight.  That means it's easy to gain back.  So I need to be really careful to continue the diet to ensure that my weight doesn't go back up.  I know from watching my hubby in his attempt, which has gone on about three weeks longer than mine has, is that after about two weeks the weight loss will slow down.  I'm hoping that, by that time, I can be down about 20 lbs.  I think that will make a big difference, since I haven't even incorporated working out into the equation yet.

Tomorrow is the first day of November, and I think I'll try to do one of those workout "challenges" that I see on Pinterest all the time.  Maybe that will keep me from bogging down in the diet.

But I just have no energy at all.  I don't know what it is; I guess it could just be my body wanting its carbs.  Hopefully this will get easier once my body gets a little more used to the diet.  Cross your fingers.