So, it's a whole new ballgame...

You'll notice a few changes in this blog. It was originally about preparing myself, mentally and physically, for the possibility that I might at some point become a parent. A high priority was weight loss, since I am and pretty much always have been overweight. So I was documenting the weight loss (that wasn't happening) and the research I was doing into issues surrounding pregnancy and parenthood.

And then...

I got pregnant.

Yep, that's right. We made the decision back around Christmas that, since my birth control prescription was expiring, we would go ahead and not refill the prescription and just see what happened. We weren't necessarily trying to GET pregnant; we just weren't trying to prevent it. I had heard stories that, after taking birth control for extended lengths of time, it takes the body a few months, sometimes up to a year, to adjust to no birth control and get back on schedule. So we figured we had a little time.

But a little time ended up being only one period, in January. February rolled around, and nothing happened. No period, no nothing. A few occasional cramps. That was it. But again, I had read that until the body completely adjusted to being off birth control, periods would be irregular and possibly missed altogether. So I waited. I figured my period would give up and show itself eventually. And the time grew closer for my husband's cousin to come visit us, bringing some snowboarding days and a lot of activity. The day before she arrived, I couldn't take the suspense anymore. I stopped at the store and bought a box of take-at-home pregnancy tests, and took one that afternoon. Pee on the stick, wait a few minutes, and check the digital read-out. And the read-out said: YES+.

I told my husband when he got home that evening. But of course, those tests aren't always guaranteed, so I took the second test from the box a few days later, thinking the hormones might be different. This time, the read-out said: YES+, and my husband got to see it for himself. So the likelihood increased again, but we couldn't really do anything else about it. My husband's cousin was visiting, and my father-in-law was staying with us for his customary two weeks each month while he worked out at the nearby Indian reservation. I just watched what I ate, tried to be as careful as possible while snowboarding (I managed to avoid pretty much any falling at all), and waited.

Finally, today rolled around. My husband's cousin had gone home, my father-in-law left for work and wouldn't be back for a couple of weeks, and I needed to visit the doctor for a possible ear infection anyway. So while I was at the doctor's office, I told the doctor my suspicions about being pregnant. The tech drew some blood, and the doctor called me about an hour later to confirm what I had already suspected for about a month: I AM PREGNANT. Probably about 6 weeks pregnant, based on my last period and when women traditionally ovulate. That would put delivery somewhere around the end of October/beginning of November. I still need to schedule an appointment with an OB and start all that prenatal stuff, but at least now I know the truth.

And I am excited about it. While I can't really believe that I've got something growing inside me (ever see Alien?), and I know this will completely change our lives and our relationship, I really think this is going to be a great adventure. My brother is leaving (today, as a matter of fact) for Afghanistan for ten months, and my dad is leaving in a few weeks for Djibouti, Africa for about a year, and I've been feeling a little, I don't know, left behind I guess, since everyone else is having adventures but me. So now, I am going to have an adventure of my own.

An adventure that will last for the next, oh, rest of my life.

Exactly what have I gotten myself into?

Do-Over Day 61 - 3/2/10

Today's weigh-in: 206.4

I seem to eat better when my father-in-law is in town. He stays with us for the first two weeks of every month for work, and he's got some medical problems and is trying to lose weight, so I try to cook reasonably healthy when he's here. Smaller portions, healthier food. Maybe he should live here all the time.

I looked on Women's Health Care Topics for household products to avoid when pregnant. I know many cleaning products can be replaced with vinegar, so that's not a huge problem, but I was just curious. Here's their list of (not just household but other) things to avoid:

What to Avoid
Avoid These Dangers

Sure, you know that you should not be drinking alcohol, smoking, or eating excessive amounts of junk food. But here are some things to avoid you may not have thought of.

What Should You Avoid?

Foods

Fish high in mercury (like tuna and salmon)

Raw meat or fish (skip the sushi until baby is born)

Deli meats. They're high in fat, many are heavily salted and may contain a contaminant called Listeria. These bacteria can harm an unborn baby severely. It can also cause a miscarriage or stillbirth. Avoid the deli counter for a while. It's important.

Soft cheeses like blue, Brie or feta. Any soft cheese has the potential to carry the Listeria bacteria.

Raw or undercooked eggs. These foods may carry Salmonella- a dangerous toxin.

Caffeine, which, in high amounts, is associated with birth defects and miscarriage.

Alcohol. Any amount, in any form - alcohol is dangerous to your baby's health.


Drugs

There is no 'safe' time to use and abuse dangerous and illegal drugs. When you put bad things into your body, it can have a lifelong, life-threatening impact on the health of your child.

If you use any of the following illicit drugs and you know you're pregnant or are trying to become pregnant, you must stop now. You must also inform your doctor of the drugs you have been taking.

Marijuana

Cocaine

Methamphetamine

Heroin and all other narcotics

PCP

LSD

Glues and solvents

Ecstasy

Designer/club drugs

Nicotine


Medications

Many over the counter (OTC) and prescription drugs contain ingredients that are safe for unpregnant adults but may be harmful to baby. That's why you should inform your doctor of any and all medications and food supplement you've been taking.

Androgens/testosterone-based supplements and medications

ACE inhibitors

Carbamazepine

Coumarin by-products

Anti-folic acid medications

Tetracycline

Thalidomide

Vitamin A and associated by products, i.e. retinoids

Phenytoin

Trimethadione/paramethadione


Harmful Chemical Agents

You might not think of your home as a danger zone, but it may well be for your baby.

Many common household products contain agents that can do serious harm to an unborn. During pregnancy, avoid the following:

Diethylstilbestrol (DES)

Lead

Lithium

Mercury

Formaldehyde

Valproic acid

I had no idea about the deli meats. I guess I need to avoid sandwiches for a while. I also need to skip the Diet Cokes to get rid of the caffeine. And, while the list of chemicals is helpful, I was sort of hoping for a list of PRODUCTS to skip. Now I need to start checking all my cleaning supplies for these things. Gives me more to do. Meh.

On to other things...still no period...

Do-Over Day 53 - 2/22/10

Today's weigh-in: 207.0

I'm actually really surprised by this. We had Mexican food last night, which is one of the Big Three that usually doom me (pizza and Chinese food are the other two). However, there were two significant differences with last night's meal that may have made the difference in my weigh-in.

Instead of using refried beans, I used black beans. I suspect these have quite a bit less fat and salt than the refried beans do. Also, we didn't have any taco seasoning. Usually we used the little packets, which have really high sodium. Instead, I just seasoned the beef with cayenne pepper, chili powder, garlic powder, and a little salt. These two seemingly minor changes to the usual routine may have really lightened the amount of sodium I took in, which may have lowered the amount of water I retained.

I have no idea if that's true or not, but it was really nice to see a weigh-in that was lighter than I anticipated.

Still no news about anything else. I am still late. However, I've been having that "pre-period" feeling, a little crampy in my lower abdomen. I have no idea if this means my period is going to start or not. We continue to wait and see...

Do-Over Day 51 - 2/20/10

Today's Weigh-in: 207.6

While this normally wouldn't be cause of celebration, the fact that I weighed in yesterday morning at 211.2 MAKES 207 a cause of celebration. I really was upset when I weighed in yesterday. But upon reflection, we had eaten Chinese food the day before, and the ingestion of massive quantities of sodium surely added quite a bit of water weight to my number. Also, I tried to eat pretty well yesterday: I had a very small bowl of cereal for breakfast, a tomato for lunch, a couple of cheese sticks as a snack, and a small serving of dinner. Good for me. If I can continue to eat less, maybe I can get a little improvement in my numbers. I need to be more regular about my weigh-ins, and record them faithfully. We'll see if I can continue to improve.

In other news...I'm late. By about a week.

I don't know what that means. This could be easily explained by the fact that this is only the second month I've been without birth control, and it could be that, now that the b.c. is completely out of my system, my body is in complete disrhythm. So I don't know what to think so far.

I looked at The American Pregnancy Association website just to see what they said about the early signs of possible pregnancy. I have many of the signs, but again, they could be explained by other circumstances.

For example, one sign of possible pregnancy is soreness/tenderness of the breasts. I've had this problem quite a bit recently. However, it could be from a hormone imbalance, or because I'm due for my period, or because I've gained a massive load of weight and am now a 38DDD. It's like I have udders now. Ick.

Some other signs of possible pregnancy include fatigue and back pain. Well hell, I've had those for YEARS. I'm always tired, and I usually have some kind of lower back pain. Again, the most probably cause is because I'm overweight by about 60 lbs. I suspect I'd be a little bit more energetic if I were in better shape.

The other two symptoms I've noticed are headaches and increased urination. But again, there are alternative causes. Since I haven't taken my blood pressure medication in over two months, my pressure has been up, which definitely causes headaches. To combat this, I've been trying to drink more water, which in turn would cause increased urination.

In other words, I have no idea if I'm pregnant or not. I COULD be. It's possible. What I need to do is wait and see. If my period doesn't start in the next week or so, I will probably go buy a home pregnancy test and give it a whiz. So...we'll see.

Do-Over Day 48 - 2/17/10

Today's Weigh-in: 209.0

Well, I am fairly certain that I am retaining some water, since I have not been taking my blood pressure medication in about a month or so. So there's probably a couple of pounds there that aren't really mine. But still, I've put on almost all the weight I lost 4 years ago. Shit. We've got company for the next couple of days, so we'll be eating quite a bit, but I'm about to go on a major diet. My husband's cousin is coming on March 3 for a week-long visit that will involve some snowboarding, so I need to improve my shape in the next two weeks. Can I lose five pounds, maybe?

Do-Over Day 33 - 2/2/10

I recently discovered a really interesting blog, called Radical Parenting. It's basically parenting, from a teenager's perspective. While some posts could be just the ranting and raving of teens, complaining about the unjustness of their lives and their parents, there seem to be some valid points brought up in many of the topics that are discussed.

One of the most interesting ones I read was called "What Kind of Kid Do You Have?". The article discusses the four kinds of kids that exist in this millennial, highly electronic era. I've seen all four of these kinds of kids, and it was really enlightening to hear the teen's perspective on the effects of parenting on their coping skills.

The first type of kid is called "The Teacup", owing to their emotional fragility. These kids were treated as overly delicate by their parents. The parents worried so much about their physical and emotional health and well being that the kids were not allowed to go out and experience the variety of human emotions necessary to development. This is especially true of FAILURE. The parents prevented them from failing, one way or another, so now that the kids are growing into adults they do not have the ability to cope with everyday pressures and problems. The kids can't handle criticism and fall apart easily under even minor adversity. I saw a lot of these kids in the private school environment where I used to work. It was a small school, and special care was taken with many of the kids to ensure the most positive experience possible, in some cases to the detriment of the child. EVERYONE will fail at something in life; if a child is never exposed to failure while growing up, he or she will be completely incapable of coping with failure as an adult. What we're left with is either a person who utterly fears any kind of change or challenge, or worse, a person who completely gives up at life and barricades himself or herself inside (literally or figuratively).

The next kind of kid is "The Toastie". This is because of the "burn out" factor. These are kids who are heavily loaded with activities from a very young age, or who are heavily invested in a particular activity. I saw a lot of "Toasties" when I was coaching swimming. I had some GREAT swimmers, who really could have been successful swimming in college. Instead, they had spent so much time in the pool, and worked so hard, and sacrificed so much of their free time that they could have otherwise been spending with friends or just unwinding, that they quit swimming, in many cases right at the height of their abilities. They had missed out on so many of the fun things that come with just being a kid (unstructured time, self-driven play, just "hanging out") that they felt the need to drop the activity completely in order to preserve their sanity and stability. It's unfortunate to see talented kids get burnt out on a sport or activity that should be fun and enjoyable. While sports are common ground for "Toasties", they can be found in 4H, Boy and Girl Scouts, pretty much any activity. I worry about my nieces becoming "Toasties". They play soccer and basketball, do gymnastics, swim on the local swim team, and participate in church activities. Their days are heavily scheduled, plus they have year-round school. I'm always amazed when I hear their mom and dad outlining their schedules for the week. I was pretty lucky. While my parents encouraged me to participate in activities, I was never pushed to do so. If I didn't like a sport, I didn't have to continue it. I did not do any sports that ran concurrently (so no multi-sport seasons). I had plenty of down time to play with my friends or do what I wanted to do. And as I got older my parents helped me learn to budget my time so I had enough time to participate in the sports and activities I valued most plus still get my schoolwork done. If a kid wants to quit a sport or activity, it should be because he or she genuinely is no longer interested, not because he or she is stressed out, worn out, or burnt out.

The third type of kid is "The Turtle". This kid has never been taught to work for anything, perhaps because the parents sheltered him or her, or perhaps because he or she fell through the cracks and was passed along from one teacher/school to another without ever being held accountable for anything. These kids are allowed to be apathetic and lazy. It could be that, when the kids who need special help and the kids who are exceptionally high performing take up so much of the parents' and teachers' time, "The Turtle" just gets brushed aside as being neither too bad nor too good to merit much attention. Since they've been largely neglected or ignored, or simply left to their own devices because they were "getting by", they've never learned how to push themselves to be more successful. These are kids who will have NO idea what they want to do with their lives when they get out of high school. They may go to college, but they might not finish because they simply have never been given any kind of direction. Some of these kids are downright slackers, intentionally, because they don't care. As long as they can get by, they don't worry about ever actually being successful at anything.

The fourth kind of kid is "The Tyrant". These are the precious little shits I got SO tired of while working in a private school. In almost every case, "The Tyrant" was created by his or her parents. The parents condition the child to believe that he or she is brilliant, fabulous, talented, and just in general better and more important than everyone else. Many of these kids are pretty smart or reasonably talented, but to their parents (and more importantly to themselves) they are they most brilliant and most talented people on the planet. While they will often put a fair amount of effort into an endeavor, they expect a big payoff and massive amounts of attention and acclaim. Even if they aren't successful in something, they expect to still be recognized for the effort they have put into the activity. Many times I had students completely fair an assignment, only to tell me, "But I worked so HARD on this!!!" What these kids (and their parents) don't seem to understand is, NOBODY in the real world gives an "A" for effort. It really doesn't matter how hard you tried at something, if you didn't get it right. That sounds callous and coldhearted, especially from a teacher, but it's true. If you were living in Africa, and you tried really hard to avoid being eaten by a lion, but the lion ate you anyway, does it really matter how hard you tried? No. Now, not everyone is going to be successful at every thing, every time. Look at Thomas Edison. He failed hundreds, probably thousands of times at inventing useful creations. But he was very successful at some of his inventions. There needs to be a balance. It isn't about just putting in the effort; it's about putting in the effort to get it right.

Now, kids are not necessarily going to slide smoothly into just one of these categories. In many cases, kids will have attributes from several of the categories. A kid may be super-sheltered and fear change, but be a tyrant at the things he or she already participates in. A "Toastie" may become so burnt out that he or she just becomes a "Turtle" as a self-preservation instinct.

The big question is, how do you deal with these kids, either as your own or in a classroom? In a classroom, you are definitely limited in how you interact with these kids and what you can do to improve their outlook. When they are your own kids, you definitely need to take a look at your parenting tactics and see how you have caused these attributes and what you can do to fix them before it's too late. Every parent, and teacher, wants to see kids succeed. While there's little that can be done to fix "nature", "nurture" can go a long way to seeing the next generation become powerful, successful, and a lot less annoying.

Do-Over Day 32 - 2/1/10

I didn't weigh-in this morning. Probably should have. I'll have to remember tomorrow morning.

One thing that is common when people get pregnant is heartburn. I don't look forward to that because I have it already. The disappointing thing is that to avoid heartburn they recommend the following: Avoid spicy, greasy and fatty foods, fried foods, alcohol, chocolate, peppermint, garlic and onion. I love spicy food. I love greasy fried stuff. Fat is a wonderful thing. I enjoy alcohol. I cannot live without chocolate. And garlic is my favorite food additive.

Crap. At least it's OK to take heartburn medication. Typically, things that are meant to stay in the stomach won't cross the placenta or travel through the umbilical cord. But they do say you should check with your doctor if you are taking medication, and I guess that counts. So if I do get around to getting pregnant, I'll have to be sure to mention it.

While I do want to get pregnant, I need to be careful. My husband's cousin is coming to visit during the first week of March, and we're supposed to teach her to snowboard. We've gone a couple times recently, trying to teach ourselves so we have something to show her, but snowboarding is really hard, and I have hit the ground many, many times, HARD. It's not a good thing to be smacking into the ground if I'm pregnant. And I know my husband's cousin would rather spend time on the slopes with both of us. So I need to pay close attention to my body, and watch for signs. It would be funny to get pregnant when I was kind of hoping not to. Kind of.