It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black

I'm starting to wonder if we've made some mistakes. As happy as I am that we moved from the South, and as happy as I am to be pregnant, financially this is turning into a disaster. My failure to find fulltime employment has put us in a serious hole, monetarily speaking. And now that the situation is getting pretty dire, I'm at the point in my pregnancy where no one in their right mind would hire me. I mean, who wants someone who can work for a maximum of two months. I'm two days away from 32 weeks pregnant, and there's simply no way to predict when I might deliver. So really, it's likely that 6 weeks of working is about as good as it's going to get. I'm still on the sub list for the local school districts, but subbing is unpredictable. I might get called for a job; I might not. I think I made a mistake in the schools I "re-upped" with for subbing. The district that called me most often last year I told that I would not be returning this fall because of the pregnancy. That was partly true, but mainly I told them this because the kids were HORRIBLE. I only subbed there a few times, despite the fact that they called me more often than anywhere else, because the kids were HORRIBLE. I didn't want to deal with that again. Now I'm starting to wish I had just sucked it up and told them I'd be back. I don't expect I'll be getting a lot of calls to sub just yet, since school just started this week. I haven't managed to get on the schedule to tutor either. So I'm pretty much f*cked. I feel like the biggest failure EVER. All I ever wanted to do was teach. Now I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get to teach my own classroom again. I just don't know what to do.

Day 75 - 3/16/09

Ok, first, to apologize for that last post.  I was trying to post in the car from my iPhone. Unfortunately, the phone would let me enter text in the "title" and "labels" boxes, but not in the actual box for the post itself.  But somehow, since the post was labeled "failure", it seems just as appropriate to leave the post itself blank.  Sort of sums it all up, really.

First order of business:

Today's weigh-in: 196.6

That's actually not bad.  We had a lot of food on our trip this past weekend, good food like pasta, hamburgers, steak, that sort of thing.  And I ended up kayaking only one day of the four that we were there, which means my activity level was not what it should have been.  It could have been a weekend where I gained quite a bit, so I'm at least pleased that I actually had a small loss.

But small it truly is.  I had hoped to have enough of a weight loss by now to start considering the idea of pregnancy, but since I've essentially made no progress at all that isn't yet an option. Also, we are holding off for at least a few more months to make a little more financial progress in the paying off of credit cards and other obligations.  Hopefully we can start tucking some aside to save up for a time when we'll have to survive off one income.

So, it's kind of a moment to start over for me.  I have ten weeks now until my summer break from school, and I hope to have made some weight loss progress by then.  Cross your fingers.